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ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



fiDa&e Eaa? Seriea 



ETiaUETTE 
MADE EASY 



BY 

EDWARD SUMMERS SQUIER, M. A. 




NEW YORK 
EDWARD J. CLODE 



COPYRIGHT, 1919, BY 
EDWARD J. CLODE 



All rights reserved 



Entered at Stationers' Hall 



PRINTED IN THE XJNITED STATES OF AMERICA 



J(iL 25 i9iy 



■GI.A52S338 



PREFACE 




HE POLITEST MAN of 

whom history has record 
was a Norwegian. A stran- 
ger in a town of Norway 
asked a passing native the 
way to a certain address. The native raised 
his hat, bowed, and said: 

"Sir, I am very sorry, but I do not 
know." 

The stranger passed on. A few minutes 
later, he heard the sound of some one run- 
ning behind him. He faced about, and 
recognized the native, who came, halted, 
and after a few deep breaths, said, while 
bowing with uplifted hat: 

"Sir, after leaving you, I met my brother- 
in-law, and I regret to tell you. Sir, that he 
also does not know." 

In spite of this story with its Norwegian 

Ci] 



PREFACE 

hero, first place is usually given to the 
French in matters of politeness. There is 
an old story that illustrates with remark- 
able precision the national traits of French, 
English and German. This has to do with 
the manner of lighting a cigar. The 
Frenchman strikes a match, offers the flame 
to his companions, then makes a Hght for 
himself. The Enghshman lights his own 
cigar first, and then offers the match to 
his companions. The German lights his 
own cigar, then throws the match away. 
The brief recital contains something deeper 
than mere humor in its analysis of national 
characteristics. The consideration of the 
Frenchman for others is indeed the essen- 
tial basis for all true courtesy. Genuine 
politeness has its root always in a very 
real regard for the feelings of others. 

The ancient proverb declares that clean- 
liness is next to godliness. In fact, so far 
as concerns casual associations, cleanliness 
is the more important. We have ordinarily 
nothing to do with the morals of those 
[6] 



PREFACE 

whom we encounter for a few fugitive 
moments, but the most fleeting companion- 
ship with a dirty person is offensive, while a 
perfect cleanliness is always pleasing in its 
effect. 

As a matter of fundamental courtesy 
toward others, we are required to keep 
ourselves clean. Such cleanhness may be 
excellent as a hygienic measure, but one 
most eminent physician has declared that 
bathing is not essential to health, and he 
offers in proof of his assertion the great 
number of old persons there are in the 
world. 

But those aged unwashed would be 
repulsive in refined society. Their con- 
dition would distress others. Quite in- 
voluntarily, they would thus be guilty of 
discourtesy. 

The principle of consideration for others 
that exalts cleanliness as a virtue is the 
principle that actually fashions all the 
essential forms of politeness. At a decent 
dinner-table, one must not smack his lips, 

[7] 



PREFACE 



or make loud noises in taking soup from 
the spoon, for the simple reason that such 
behavior will annoy others. Often, a sym- 
pathetic person, absolutely untaught in the 
niceties of etiquette, will do the right thing 
by a natural instinct of kindliness, where 
another individual of polite breeding will 
do the wrong from sheer lack of that fellow- 
feeling which gives understanding. 

Nevertheless, while the noblest cour- 
tesy must spring always from the heart, 
common convenience has settled on defi- 
nite methods of deportment for various 
occasions. Ignorance of these details as 
to proper conduct is not a matter to be 
contemned, but one to be regretted, be- 
cause a person thus ignorant, no matter 
how kindly his intention, must often dis- 
turb others by failure to do the expected 
thing in the expected way. In other words, 
he lacks knowledge of what are termed the 
proprieties. It is with the intention of 
offering assistance to those finding them- 
selves in doubt as to the niceties of 
[8] 



PREFACE 



deportment that this book has been pre- 
pared. 

It is arranged with the contents in alpha- 
betical order, so that the topics are self- 
indexed. 

In addition to the bulk of information 
set forth in the following pages, there needs 
only one direction of importance. 

This is based on the ancient saying: 
"When in Rome, do as the Romans do." 
Practically every community has its local 
customs, and these are always to be re- 
spected. There is nothing more snobbish 
than criticism by a stranger of social forms 
that are well estabhshed. It is always his 
duty to respect them and to observe them. 
Otherwise, he displays that lack of con- 
sideration for others which is the root of 
all rudeness. One sympathetically dis- 
posed toward his fellows who avails him- 
self of the information in this book may 
rest confident in the assurance that he is 
indeed the possessor of good manners. 



[9] 



CONTENTS 

PAGE 

At Homes 13 

Bachelor Hosts 23 

Balls 26 

Breakfasts 31 

Calls 34 

Cards 45 

Dinners 61 

Garden-Parties 70 

House-Parties 75 

Introductions 84 

Letters 95 

Luncheons 103 

Mourning 106 

MusiCALES 113 

Opera 117 

Private Theatricals 121 

Receptions 122 

Smoking 123 

Stairs 124 

Street Etiquette 125 

Table Manners 128 

Teas 133 

Theater-Parties 134 

Weddings 141 

["] 



Etiquette Made Easy 




AT HOMES 

^HE AFTERNOON TEA is 
perhaps the most popular of 
social functions, and deserv- 
edly so, since it is essentially 
of the utmost simphcity, yet 
may be expanded into a most elaborate 
social affair. In the original simple form, 
the hostess merely welcomes her guests as 
they come to her on her regular day at 
home, in the drawing-room, and there 
offers them a cup of tea served by herself 
and light refreshments of sandwiches and 
cakes and the like. 

The next development in the tea is in 
the nature of a small afternoon reception, 

C13] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



or at home. For this occasion, the hostess 
issues invitations a week in advance. A 
visiting-card serves the purpose, with a 
line written below the name: 

Wednesday, June Jourtb 
jrom jour until seven o clock 

If there is to be a guest of honor, an addi- 
tional line may indicate the fact: 

To meet 



The procedure for the hostess at a func- 
tion of this sort is more formal. It is usual 
to have the refreshments in the dining- 
room, though they should not be of an 
elaborate character. The teapot is placed 
at one end of the table, and presided over 
by some friend, since the obligations of 
the hostess prevent her rendering this hos- 
pitable service in person. 

The third stage of the afternoon tea has 
come to take the place of the old-time re- 
ception, though it bears merely the desig- 
nation "At Home." 

[14] 



AT HOMES 



The requisite invitations must be sent 
out any time from a week to a fortnight 
before the date set. For these, an en- 
graved form is essential. They are printed 
on heavy white bristol board, of the qual- 
ity described for dinner-invitations, and in- 
closed in a single envelope. They may be 
issued in the name of the hostess alone, 
or in the names of a hostess and her daugh- 
ter or daughters, or in the names of hus- 
band and wife — though this last is a very 
modern innovation. The following will 
serve as a model: 

Mrs, James French Putnam 
At Home 

April the seventh 
From four until seven o'clock 

208 Flagg Avenue 

If the husband joins with the wife in 
issuing the invitations, the only change is 
in the first line: 

Mr, and Mrs, James French Putnam 

[15] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



Where a daughter is to receive with her 
mother, the girl's name appears just below 
that of the matron: 

Mrs. James French Putnam 
Miss Putnam 

Where there are two or more daughters 
thus associated with the mother, they are 
included under one title. Thus: 

Mrs, James French Putnam 
The Misses Putnam 

When a younger sister is to appear at 
her debut, her name in full is given a 
line after those of her mother and elder 
sister: 

Mrs, James French Putnam 

Miss Putnam 
Miss Helen Louise Putnam 

In the event of a guest of honor, the 

invitation may emphasize the presence 

of this personage by a special engraved 
[i6] 



AT HOMES 



announcement at the head of the invi- 
tation : 

To meet 



The remainder of the invitation will 
follow any of the forms indicated above. 

Or the announcement may appear in one 
engraved line at the foot of the invitation : 



To meet. 



At a reception of this character, the hos- 
tess is obliged to remain on duty near the 
door of the drawing-room throughout the 
hours set. But a husband or daughter 
receiving with her, though expected to join 
her in receiving the guests at the outset 
and for a considerable time afterward, is 
not so rigidly held to the one place, but 
after a time may properly move about 
among the guests with hospitable intent. 

But a debutante must remain at the 
post of duty with her mother throughout 
the whole time. 

[17] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



In recent years, there has developed a 
pleasant custom by which the debutante 
invites a number of her young friends to 
join her in receiving the other guests. It 
is usual to entertain these at dinner after 
the reception. 

The refreshments for an occasion of this 
sort are served in the dining-room with serv- 
ants in attendance. Tea is poured at one 
end of the table, and perhaps chocolate at 
the other, while a bowl of punch is com- 
monly at hand. The refreshments are of 
the buffet variety, but they may be as 
rich and varied as the hostess chooses. At 
such functions in the city, it is usual to 
lay a strip of carpet from the house door 
to the curb, and an awning raised over this 
offers protection to the guests in inclement 
weather. Where the list of guests is long, 
a liveried servant at the curb not only 
opens the doors of the motors, but also 
issues checks by which the cars may 
be summoned for the departure of the 



guests. 
Ci8] 



AT HOMES 



A butler opens the house door as the 
guest approaches, and gives directions as 
to the dressing-rooms. Another liveried 
servant at the door of the drawing-room 
announces each guest by name to the 
hostess. 

At such affairs, both hostess and women 
guests wear what is properly termed a re- 
ception-gown — that is to say, one of ele- 
gance and richness, with a train if the 
prevailing mode permits, but not decollete 
or sleeveless. Hats of a character har- 
monious with the gown are worn through- 
out the function, as are gloves. 

The men wear black frock coats and 
gray striped trousers, with either a black 
waistcoat or a fancy one according to 
choice. While he leaves his coat and hat 
in the dressing-room at such formal af- 
fairs, a man retains his gloves, either keep- 
ing the left glove on the hand, and carrying 
the other, or carrying both. The right 
hand must be bare. 

Each woman guest leaves on a tray 

C19] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



provided for that purpose in the hall a 
card for her hostess and one for each of 
any other women receiving. She may also 
leave similarly the cards of any other 
woman member of her family who has 
been invited, but does not attend. 

The man leaves a card for his host if 
there is one, in addition to those for the 
ladies. 

No reply is necessary from one invited 
to such a reception, either of acceptance 
or of refusal. The presence of the guests 
is deemed a sufficient answer. In the event 
of non-attendance, the guest must be at 
pains to send cards, and these should be 
so timed in the sending that they will 
reach their address on the day of the at 
home, preferably in the afternoon. 

At crowded affairs, the guest displays 
good manners as well as good sense by 
making the stay short. Twenty minutes 
is a sufficient time, and departure should 
not be delayed much beyond a half-hour. 
It is better not to say farewell to the hos- 



AT HOMES 



tess, unless the going should be at a time 
when few guests remain, and she is ob- 
viously at leisure. 

The punctilious guest will make a point 
of arriving neither too early nor too late. 
Between half-past four and six is recom- 
mended. 

The formal evening reception is less 
popular than in former days, but it still 
prevails to a limited extent. The procedure 
throughout is substantially the same as for 
that of the afternoon reception. The word- 
ing of the invitation is identical, with the 
single exception of the time specified. 

The line that indicated the hours from 
four until seven o'clock must be changed 
to read: 

From nine until eleven o'clock 

Or, it may be properly stated, if one's 
taste so dictates: 

After nine o'clock 

While for the evening reception all other 
formal details are the same as for an after- 

[21] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



noon affair, the costumes of the guests, 
both men and women, are changed as be- 
fits the change in hours. The men are 
scrupulous in the exactitude of their even- 
ing garb — swallow tail, white linen and 
white cravat and white waistcoat, and 
patent-leather shoes; while the women 
array themselves in their handsomest even- 
ing gowns, decollete and sleeveless, and 
display the richest of their jewels. 



[22] 



BACHELOR HOSTS 




HEN A BACHELOR enter- 
tains either in the afternoon 
or evening, he follows in a 
general way the procedure 
indicated for receptions 
under the heading "At Homes." If the 
affair is to be elaborate, he may use en- 
graved invitations. 

Mr, Hartley Fane Treadwell 
requests the pleasure of 



company 

on Wednesday afternoon, November the first 

From four until seven o* clock 

Nine East Third Street 

A word or two at the bottom on the left 
may indicate any special entertainment, 
such as Music. 

[23] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



But there are certain proprieties to be 
observed that are peculiar to the bachelor. 
For example, he is not permitted to use a 
visiting-card with a line written on it for 
less formal invitations. Instead, he must 
write a note in the first person, or he may 
give the invitation orally. The invita- 
tions should be issued a week or a little 
less before the appointed time. 

There is one other requirement of vital 
importance. The bachelor must always 
have a chaperon present for any gathering 
that includes both sexes. And she must be 
invited by note, or orally — even in cases 
where the formal engraved invitations are 
employed. 

The chaperon pours tea, and on occa- 
sions when the guests are seated at table, 
she is given the place on the host's right, 
unless there is a guest of honor, when she 
is given the position on his left. 

The other women guests must take their 
departure at the same time as the chaperon, 

unless they prefer an earlier hour. 

[24] 



BACHELOR HOSTS 



The presence of the chaperon at such 
entertainments makes it unnecessary for 
the unmarried girl to provide one for 
herself. 

The chaperon should be a married 
woman, and her husband must be included 
among the invited guests. 

When a bachelor wishes to issue en- 
graved invitations for a formal dinner- 
party or luncheon, he uses the forms pro- 
vided respectively in the chapters entitled 
"Dinners" and "Luncheons." The di- 
rections as to breakfasts also will be found 
appropriate in a general way as set forth 
in the special chapter. 

A bachelor should always be punctilious 
in calhng on a chaperon shortly after any 
affair at which she has officiated, in order 
to tender his grateful appreciation of her 
services in his behalf. 



L23I 



BALLS 




HE INVITATIONS for a 

formal ball are engraved on 
a sheet similar to that used 
for dinner-parties. But, like 
the dinner-invitations, they 
may also be written by the hostess. In 
sending these invitations by mail only one 
envelope is used when the invitation is 
written out. But the engraved form is 
enclosed first in an unsealed envelope 
with merely the name of the guest on the 
cover. This is put in a second envelope, 
which is sealed and has both the name and 
address written on it for posting. An en- 
graved invitation, however, when deliv- 
ered by a messenger requires only a single 
envelope, sealed. 

These invitations must be sent out not 

less than ten days before the date of the 
[26] 



BALLS 



ball, and they may be issued three weeks 
before the appointed time. 

The accepted form may be either of those 
following: 

Mr, and Mrs. George Wheatley 

request the pleasure of your company 

on Wednesday evening, April the second 

at halj-past nine o'clock 

Dancing 71 Hamilton Place 

Mrs, George Wheatley 

Miss Wheatley 

At Home 

Tuesday, April the ninth 

at eleven o'clock 

Dancing 71 Hamilton Place 

It is permissible to write the initials, 
R,s,v.p. below the word Dancing, 

In place of Dancing, the word Cotillon 
may appear, if the whole evening is to be 
devoted especially to this dance. So, too, 
the words Bal Poudre may be substituted 

[27] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



for Dancing, if the affair is to be a costume 
ball. Or any other form of entertainment 
may be similarly indicated. 

The form used in accepting or declining 
such an invitation follows exactly the word- 
ing given in a later chapter in connection 
with dinner-invitations. 

It is the duty of the hostess to greet her 
guests as at a dinner-party, and a daughter 
or daughters may assist her in her hospita- 
ble duties, but such assistance is not re- 
quired of them. The host, also, may join 
his wife in receiving, and may make him- 
self socially useful by various attentions 
to the guests. But such action on his part 
is discretionary, except that in the case of 
a woman guest of particular importance, 
he should take her in to supper if this is 
served at tables. Where a buffet supper 
is served, it is fitting that he should escort 
various guests from time to time. 

It is not always necessary to invite 
mothers or chaperons to a private ball, 
and in that case a girl may be sent with 

[28] 



BALLS 



a maid to accompany her. When the 
mother receives an invitation and accepts 
it, she may choose not to remain, but to 
leave after entrusting her daughter to the 
care of the hostess, or some other friend. 

At elaborate dances, the supper at mid- 
night is served on small tables, at which 
the guests are seated. The buffet supper is 
popular on account of its convenience, 
since the guests select whatever pleases 
them at any time. 

Unlike the rule as to dinners, there is no 
obligation for prompt arrival on the ball 
guest. Likewise, the guest may leave at 
any time. It is not necessary to seek the 
hostess for a farewell, but if she is near, 
she should be addressed with appropriate 
phrase in appreciation of the hospitality 
that has been enjoyed. 
{■ A girl at a ball usually establishes her- 
self in a seat by her chaperon, to whom 
she returns according to her convenience 
after dancing. It is perfectly proper for 
her, if at any time she wishes to be rid of 

[29] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



a partner, to ask that he accompany her 
back to this seat beside her chaperon. 

Evening clothes are essential for the 
male guest at a ball, and the wearing of 
white gloves is obligatory. A careful man 
is very likely to provide himself with an 
extra pair. At informal dances, ungloved 
men often cover the hand with a handker- 
chief to avoid any risk of soiling a partner's 
bodice. If a man serves as escort for a 
woman, or for a girl and her chaperon, it is 
a part of his duty to provide a carriage to 
and fro. 

The ball-dress for women is usually the 
most elegant their taste and means will 
contrive. It is always decollete, and com- 
monly sleeveless. 



[30] 



BREAKFASTS 




HOSTESS MAY USE her 

visiting-card for invitations 
to breakfast, simply writing 
on it below her name: 



Breakfast at eleven o'clock 
April the fourth 

A more formal affair may have an en- 
graved invitation on paper similar to that 
used in the case of dinners. This would 
have the following form: 

Mrs, George Vinton Thome 
requests the pleasure of 

company at breakfast 

on 

at o'clock 

Eleven Green Street 

[31] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



Or the hostess may, if she prefers, write 
a brief note of invitation in the first person. 
Whatever form is employed, the invita- 
tions should be sent out a full week, or a 
little more, before the date set for the 
breakfast. 

The answer to such an invitation should 
be sent promptly, whether in acceptance 
or in refusal. The form is identical with 
that for dinner-invitations, except that the 
word breakfast is substituted for the word 
dinner. 

Where the invitation is a note written 
in the first person, the answer must follow 
the same style. 

A breakfast of the more informal sort, 
with no more than eight or ten guests, may 
begin as early as ten o'clock, but a later 
hour is preferred for very ceremonious 
affairs, with noon most esteemed as the 
hour. 

Grapefruit is usually served, with finger- 
bowl accompaniment, and the meal that 
follows may be as simple or as elaborate 
C32] 



BREAKFASTS 

as the taste and resources of the hostess 
dictate. 

Usually both sexes are included among 
the guests at a. breakfast. The women 
remove their gloves after taking their 
places at table, but not their hats. Veils 
may be removed entirely or pushed up 
out of the way, according to the wearer's 
choice. 

The guest should remain at least a half- 
hour after the conclusion of the meal, but 
not longer than an hour unless justified by 
exceptional circumstances. 

Frock or cutaway coats are worn by the 
men, and afternoon dress by the women. 
The costumes for a ten o'clock breakfast 
should be somewhat plainer than for one 
at the more formal hour of noon. 



[33] 




CALLS 

lORMAL CALLS are to be 
made in the afternoon be- 
tween three o'clock and 
half-past five. 

If a hostess has a day at 
home, formal calls on her should be made 
on that day. It is well also so to time visits 
for congratulation or to return thanks for 
any hospitahty, or the like, as to have them 
also fall on the day at home. Usually, a 
due attention by visitors to this set time 
for calling is appreciated by a hostess. 

While the formal hours for calls are in 
the afternoon as indicated above, the time 
varies in different neighborhoods. Evening 
calls are common in the country necessarily 
as a matter of convenience. And, while in 
the city women pay no formal calls on 
Sunday, these are permitted in smaller 
[34] 



CALLS 

places. Ordinarily, too, there is license in 
the country as to the length even of formal 
calls, which may be extended without im- 
propriety far beyond the limit of fifteen or 
twenty minutes which is well established 
in the city. A new resident or visitor in 
any community should be at pains to get 
information as to the local usage, and con- 
form to it in all details. 

It is permissible for men in our country 
to make social calls in the afternoon on 
Sunday, or in the evening. The exigencies 
of business are the excuse for the departure 
from the stricter form, which still holds in 
the case of women. The hour of such even- 
ing calls in the larger cities is from eight to 
nine, but the time is earlier in smaller 
towns and in the country. In every in- 
stance, the local custom is to be followed. 
Of course, too, men of leisure may pay 
their calls in the afternoon. 

New residents in a neighborhood must 
await calls from. .those already established 
there. In the city, the first calls of the 

[35] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



social season should be received by the 
hostess who first sends out her at-home 
cards. Where women have met out of 
town, and wish to continue the acquaint- 
ance in the city, the unmarried woman 
should call on the matron, or one who is 
under any obligation for hospitality should 
make the first call. Unless a distinction 
be drawn for some such reason, either may 
properly pay the first visit. 

It is notorious that in the large cities 
there is no welcome for the newcomer from 
the dweller next door or across the street. 
The conditions of city life justify such 
aloofness. On the other hand, the condi- 
tions of life in the smaller places warrant 
exactly the opposite in the matter of hos- 
pitality. It is the recognized duty of the 
older residents to welcome new arrivals by 
calling on them promptly, after the stran- 
gers have had time to dispose themselves 
comfortably. 

There are many varieties of those calls 
that are imposed by formal courtesy. 
C36] 



CALLS 

Thus, in the matter of weddings, it be- 
comes the duty of any one who has taken 
official part in the affair, such as a bride's- 
maid or a best man, to call on the mother 
of the bride within a few days after the 
marriage ceremony, and also to call on 
the bride immediately after her return 
from the honeymoon trip. The like duty 
devolves on invited guests to a home wed- 
ding, to a wedding-reception and to a 
wedding-breakfast. 

A similar formal call should be paid to 
the hostess by each guest at a dinner, or 
breakfast, or other special entertainment. 
Such a call must be made within two 
weeks. The obligation is the same even in 
cases where the invitation has been de- 
clined. 

As to the returning of calls, such visits 
should be made on the day at home if 
there is one, and otherwise at a suitable 
time according to the social usage of the 
neighborhood within a fortnight. But this 
ruhng applies properly only to the return 

[37] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



for a first call. Afterward, a longer or 
shorter interval may elapse between visits 
according to the desire of the parties con- 
cerned. A former acquaintance may be 
maintained merely by an annual exchange 
of calls. It must be noted, however, that 
a call in person demands a personal visit 
in return. The formal leaving of a card at 
the door does not suffice. 

Persons giving up their residence in a 
community or going on a long journey 
should send their cards to their full visit- 
ing-list with the initials P,p.c. (Pour pren- 
dre conge, for leave-taking). 

It occurs often that a person wishes to 
call on a friend in the home of a stranger. 
Such a call is permissible, but the visitor 
should ask for the hostess as well as the 
friend, and leave a card for her. 

In the matter of initiative, it is fitting 
that an elder woman should invite a 
younger to the exchange of cards and 
calls, and that the matron should thus 
invite the maiden. Where there is equality 
[38] 



CALLS 

of years or station, the first advance must 
depend on the personal inclinations of the 
parties. 

The proprieties in reference to calls be- 
tween women are thus seen to be simple 
enough. There is more complexity in the 
procedure when it has to do with the call- 
ing of men on women. It is not deemed 
proper for a young unmarried woman to 
invite calls from men. Such visits on their 
part are left to the discretion of the mother 
or chaperon. But, undoubtedly, the de- 
butante will see to it that mother or chap- 
eron does not fail in her functions. As 
to the older women, and those married, 
there is some variation locally in the polite 
usage. Sometimes the woman feels it her 
privilege to invite the man to call without 
awaiting sohcitation on his part; some- 
times she requires that the advance should 
be on the part of the man in the form of 
a request for permission to visit her. 

If any person requires that a definite 
time should be given for the emancipation 

[39] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



of a girl from the social dominance of her 
mother or chaperon, it may be set at about 
the twenty-fifth year, after which time a 
young woman is theoretically fitted to 
decide for herself as to who her visitors 
shall be. 

A young woman of sensibility will be 
extremely chary of her invitations to men, 
and very sure before extending them that 
they are really desired. If at any time a 
man fails to avail himself of such an invita- 
tion, her self-respect will not permit her 
to repeat it. 

The strictness of the above rules of con- 
duct has been greatly relaxed in the case 
of the average American girl, who demo-, 
cratically insists from the outset of her 
social career on her own choice in the 
matter of acquaintances and friends. But 
even this laxity does not permit an invi- 
tation to a man on the first meeting. 
Such haste is neither good form nor ordi- 
nary prudence. 

In a consideration of formal calls, ft 
C40] 



CALLS 

should be noted that in prax^tise the ofFices 
of the wife are commonly accepted in her 
husband's behalf by her leaving his card 
when she pays her dinner-call, or the like. 
The exigencies of business are supposed to 
justify this vicarious method. 

While it is proper for a woman to call 
upon a man for business reasons, social 
calls are forbidden. 

Calls of condolence, except when there 
is an intimate friendship, are properly made 
by leaving a card. The expression of 
sympathy is usually best made by a brief 
note. 

Calls of congratulation may be made by 
acquaintances of both sexes on a woman 
who announces her engagement to be mar- 
ried, ^f Calls following the announcement 
of a birth are expected by the mother from 
the women of her acquaintance. 

The day at home is such a social con- 
venience that it is popular, not only in the 
cities, but in many smaller towns. It is 
usually set for one afternoon in the week, 

[41] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



sometimes for an afternoon each two weeks 
during the social season. The day should 
appear on the visiting-card. The hours 
for entertaining on the day at home are 
from three until six, but this period is 
frequently extended for another hour. The 
hostess should devote herself assiduously 
to her guests, and should provide some 
light forms of food and drink. Usually, 
tea is served. Sufficient notice is given 
of the day at home by sending out the 
visiting-cards at the beginning of the 
season. One advantage of the day at 
home is that it justifies the hostess in not 
receiving casual callers on other occasions. 
It is the duty of the hostess to meet 
and address each guest with a handshake. 
"How do you do, Mrs. Smith? I am so 
glad to see you!" or a similar phrase, should 
be used in greeting each arrival. She 
should also introduce strangers to other 
guests near by. She should not leave the 
reception-room to make her farewells to 
departing guests, unless in case of some 
[42] 



CALLS 

person of particular distinction. *'Good- 
afternoon, Mr. Brown. I shall hope to 
see you again very soon," or the like, 
affords a sufficient form of farewelL 

If the husband is present during his 
wife's at home, he should undertake to 
second her hospitable efforts to the best 
of his ability, showing attention to any 
requiring it. 

A woman caller does not remove her 
gloves or veil, or even her wrap, unless it 
is a heavy one. But rubbers and umbrella 
and any heavy outer garment should be 
left in the hall. 

For a man, formal politeness permits 
the carrying of both hat and stick into the 
drawing-room. But this rule is to-day 
more honored in the breach than in the 
observance. And, too, the right hand at 
least is usually ungloved. The hat and 
stick, when carried, are held in the left 
hand, and should be retained throughout 
the call, though it is permissible to put 
them down on the floor beside one, for 

[43] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



greater convenience when taking refresh- 
ments. 

When the day at home is of a formal 
sort, the women do not exchange kisses in 
greeting, and the gloves are not taken off 
even when tea is drunk. 



[44] 



CARDS 




ISITING-CARDS are of 

three sizes, which remain 
practically the same year 
after year. The largest is 
that used by matrons, while 
that of the unmarried woman is a very little 
smaller, and that of the man much smaller. 
The present style as to materials favors a 
polished Bristol board that is white and 
substantial without being too heavy. This 
should be printed from an engraved plate 
in black ink. The lettering may be a run- 
ning script or old English. 

Under no circumstances should a woman's 
card carry any prefix other than Mrs, or 
Miss, but one or the other of these invaria- 
bly appears. This rule does not apply in 
the case of professional women who may 
wish a distinctive card for business pur- 
poses, with its prefix of Dr, or Rev. Such 

[45] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



a card would also carry the address in the 
lower right-hand corner and perhaps office- 
hours in the lower left-hand corner. But 
even the professional woman requires the 
plainer form of card for social purposes. 

There is a tendency at present to give the 
name in full on the card. For example, 
Mrs. John James Smith, or Miss Maude 
Mac Arthur. 

It is permissible for the senior matron of 
a family to use only the family name on 
her card with the prefix: for example, 
Mrs. Fuller. It is more common, however, 
to omit the Christian name of an eldest 
daughter who is unmarried: Miss Fuller. 
The other daughters require the Christian 
name on their cards: Miss Mary Fuller, 
Miss Gladys Fuller. 

The tendency in this country is strongly 
against the omission of the name in either 
of the above cases. Although it is perfectly 
correct as a social usage, it is opposed to 
the spirit of our institutions. 

There is some variation in the use of the 
C46] 



CARDS 

name on the card in the case of a widow. 
It is within the woman's choice whether 
she will continue to use the Christian name 
of her husband on the card, or will put 
her own in place of it. In other words, she 
may use the same cards after the death of 
her husband as before if she prefers, or she 
may follow the Mrs, with her own Christian 
name. A common form to-day gives the 
woman's Christian name and the surname 
to which she was born and finally the sur- 
name of her husband. A present vogue 
permits also the use of only the two sur- 
names, without the Christian name. Thus, 
Mary Brown marries James Robinson. The 
husband dies and the widow changes her 
visiting-cards, which have read, Mrs, 
James Robinson, so that they now read, 
Mrs, Mary Robinson. Then presently she 
grows ambitious socially and has her cards 
changed to read, Mrs. Mary Brown Robin- 
son. Soon, she seizes on a newer style, and 
again changes her cards in accordance with 
it to read, Mrs, Brown Robinson, 

[47] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



It should be noted that the variations in 
cards practised by widows are used also 
by divorced women. And when a divorcee 
resumes her maiden name she properly 
uses with it the prefix Mrs., not Miss, 

As a matter of strict propriety, a girl 
during her first social season does not form- 
ally use an individual card. Her name 
appears below that of her mother in the 
same lettering. When making calls un- 
accompanied by her mother, the latter's 
name is crossed out with a pencil mark. 

Where two daughters of nearly the same 
age are concerned, both are included on 
the mother's card by the words The Misses, 
followed by the family name. 

The above details are applied especially 
to a debutante in the first season. After- 
ward, a young woman uses her own indi- 
vidual card when calling alone. But this 
card should not carry on it the day at 
home. The at-home statement appears 
on the mother's individual card. It is 
given also on the card combining the 
C48] 



CARDS 

names of mother and daughter. The com- 
bination card may with correctness be 
frequently used in appropriate circum- 
stances until the daughter's marriage. 

The notice of the day at home is placed 
in the lower left-hand corner of the card. 
Only the day of the week is given, or with 
such qualification as may be required if 
the at-home day is not of weekly recur- 
rence. The hours should not be specified 
unless they are a distinct variation from 
the customary time, between three and 
six. In addition, a time limit to the at 
homes may be specified. Thus, Fridays 
until March, Of course, the beginning is 
set for any individual by reception of the 
card. 

A married woman finds frequent use for 
a card in combination with her husband, 
though this by no means takes the place 
of her individual cards, and, while it bears 
the address in the lower right-hand corner, 
does not usually give the at-home day. 
This card may properly be used for those 

[49] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



formal occasions in which her husband is 
concerned. For example, it may fittingly 
accompany a gift from husband and wife. 
It serves also for announcing a marriage 
with the residence of the bridal couple. 

A man's visiting-card always carries the 
prefix Mr. The single exception to this 
is when Jr, follows the name. The name 
is commonly given in full, but it is permis- 
sible to use only the initial of the middle 
name. It is strictly proper for the male 
head of a family to use only the family 
name on his card, preceded by Mr. Thus, 
the head of the Smiths — could he be 
located — might use on his visiting-card 
merely Mr. Smith, instead of Mr. John 
Smith. 

The home address appears in the lower 
right-hand corner of the card, and a bache- 
lor may add also the name of a club in the 
lower left-hand corner. The business ad- 
dress, of course, should never appear on 
the card used for social purposes. Like- 
wise, a day at home should not be given 
C50] 



CARDS 

by a bachelor even though he may enter- 
tain regularly. 

It is a safe rule to avoid titles on the 
visiting-cards of men as of women. The 
only exceptions are in instances little likely 
to concern the average reader of this book. 
Such instances are afforded by the Presi- 
dent of the United States, the Vice-Presi- 
dent, Ambassadors, the higher Judiciary, 
Army and Navy Officers, clergymen and 
physicians. The custom in the army, how- 
ever, forbids any prefix except plain Mr. 
to an officer below the rank of Captain. 

In the case of all officers the nature of 
his command is properly stated in a lower 
corner of the card. 

Lawyers and physicians should have 
only the home address on the card used 
for social purposes. Another card with 
the business address should be used for 
business purposes. But Dr. is properly 
used by the physician in place of Mr, on 
his visiting-cards. Likewise, a clergyman 
uses Reverend, or its abbreviation Rev,, 

' [51] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



on all his cards, which are commonly iden- 
tical for both social and professional uses. 

The letters indicative of degrees are not 
given after the name on the visiting-card, 
though a single exception is sometimes 
made by clergymen who omit Rev. before 
their names and, in lieu of it, use D.D, 
following the name. 

When it becomes necessary, for any rea- 
son, to write one's name on a visiting-card, 
the prefix Mr. should be given, following 
the ordinary form of the engraved card. 

Care should be taken in the case of 
mourning-cards to avoid a too ostentatious 
parade of grief by an unduly broad margin 
of black. Somewhat less than a half inch 
is permissible for a widow's card, and, 
after the first year, it is well to have this 
width reduced. Often, other reductions 
in the size of the border are made at inter- 
vals of six months, as long as the period of 
mourning continues. 

The card of a widower must carry a 
border proportionately narrower, as its 
[52] 



CARDS 



size is smaller than a woman's card, but 
the decrease in width is made after the same 
manner. 

When a woman elects to remain in 
mourning permanently, the narrow black 
border may be retained throughout her 
lifetime. 

It is not customary to make variations 
in the mourning border for the commemo- 
ration of persons other than husband or 
wife. For these, a fitting width is about 
a twelfth part of an inch, which re- 
mains the same throughout the period of 
mourning. 

When a call is made on a day at home, 
the card or cards are commonly left in the 
hall on a tray placed for that purpose. A 
married woman calling on the at-home day 
of another married woman for the first 
time in the season leaves her own card 
and two of her husband's cards. But 
in later calls on the at-home day she 
leaves her card and the two cards of her 
husband's only when the call acknowl- 

[53] ' 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



edges entertainment offered to them by 
the hostess. 

There has been considerable simplifica- 
tion in recent years as to the leaving of 
cards. They are no longer weirdly bent 
in sign of delivery in person, and a smaller 
number are used. Thus, though the hos- 
tess referred to above may have unmarried 
daughters receiving with her, cards for 
them need not be left. But the presence 
of a married daughter or a friend for- 
mally assisting in the reception of the 
guests requires the leaving of a card. 

A woman leaves no cards for the men 
of the family where she visits. 

It is the business of the wife to fulfill 
her husband's formal social duties by leav- 
ing his cards with hers whenever enter- 
tainment should be acknowledged. 

Where two spinsters share a residence, 
a woman caller, the first time in the season, 
should leave two of her cards, and also, if 
she is a married woman, two of her hus- 
band's. So, too, a card should be left for 
[54] 



CARDS 

a daughter or sister who is hostess of the 
house, even though she may be unmarried. 

When an unmarried girl uses her indi- 
vidual card, she should follow the pro- 
cedure indicated for the matron in the 
use of hers. Or she may use the combina- 
tion card of her mother and herself as al- 
ready described above. 

A call on a mother and daughter who 
are out requires the leaving of two cards. 
The same procedure is necessary in the 
case of a hostess who has a friend stay- 
ing with her. Likewise, a call made 
on a friend who is a guest in another's 
house demands the leaving of two cards. 
This rule apphes in the case of a man as 
well as of a woman. It should be observed 
that two cards are deemed sufficient in 
most cases. Where, however, the hostess 
has a guest staying with her and also 
daughters of her own, three cards are to 
be left. 

A man wishing to call on a particular 
woman must be punctilious in leaving cards 

155-] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



not only for the particular one in whom he 
is interested, but also for the mother or 
chaperon, and still a third for the host. 
But, if a call is made on a woman on her 
at-home day, no card need be left, unless 
the call is in acknowledgment of enter- 
tainment. In the latter case, a single card 
is left for the host. It is advisable, how- 
ever, that in his first call he should leave 
a card for convenience in the matter of 
address. 

It is permissible on certain occasions to 
leave visiting-cards with the servant at 
the door, or to send them through the mail 
or by a messenger, instead of making the 
call in person. Sometimes a woman who 
is owing a call thus sends her card along 
with an invitation, as for luncheon or din- 
ner. The invitation is considered to justify 
the merely formal matter of the card. So, 
too, a person receiving an invitation from 
a hostess who is a stranger must, if the 
invitation is declined, leave cards within 
two weeks after the date of the entertain- 
C56] 



CARDS 



ment. An invalid may send cards through 
the post in acknowledgment of calls of 
inquiry, and a woman in mourning is able 
to fulfill her obligations in the same man- 
ner. Cards are formally left by all who 
receive invitations to a church wedding, 
and the requirement is the same for those 
to whom an announcement of the marriage 
is sent. Such cards are demanded of men 
and women both, to be left for the mother 
of the bride within a fortnight after the 
ceremony. Cards are left within a proper 
time after any form of entertainment to 
which the members of a club are invited, 
though there may be no other social ac- 
quaintance with the hostess. In calls of 
condolence or inquiry, cards are always 
left. They may be used also, as herein- 
before stated, to announce a prolonged 
absence or a change of address. 

When cards are left in person, they are 
delivered to the servant at the door. One 
or two or three are to be left according 
to the circumstances. The caller should 

L37l 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



tell the servant the persons for whom the 
cards are designed. 

Good taste dictates that calls of inquiry 
concerning the condition of a sick person 
should be made in person. Cards should 
be left at the time of such calls, except in 
the case of intimates. The cards should 
not be mailed or sent by messenger. 

Acknowledgment of cards of condolence 
are made after a funeral by a large black- 
edged card of thanks, which should be sent 
within a month. Such cards are usually 
merely printed, not engraved. The word- 
ing should be of the simplest. 

Mrs, Jack Robinson 
returns thanks to 

for her kind sympathy 

The address of the one sending the card 
should appear at the bottom. 

The form is varied according to circum- 
stances. Thus : 
[58] 



CARDS 



Mrs, Montgomery James and Family 
return thanks for your kind sympathy 

Some persons prefer to leave their visit- 
ing-cards with the mourning border on 
those to whom acknowledgment is due, 
instead of sending the special card by 
mail. Personal calls, however, are not 
made by those in mourning within three 
months at least of the time of the funeral. 
If earlier acknowledgment is to be made, 
the visiting-card with mourning-border may 
be sent by mail within a few weeks. A 
word of thanks should be written on the 
card. For example: 

With grateful appreciation of your sympathy 

The use of P.p.c. cards has already been 
described in the chapter on calls. It should 
be added that they are convenient when 
one is leaving on short notice without time 
to pay in person all calls due. The P.px. 
card involves no duty of acknowledgment 
on the part of its recipient. 

[59] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



A woman temporarily stopping in any 
place sends cards containing her address 
to any acquaintances she may have there. 
Her ordinary visiting-card serves the pur- 
pose, with a pencil line drawn through the 
engraved address and the temporary one 
written above it. But a man, in the same 
circumstances, makes his calls in person. 

The new-born infant embarks on its 
social career by means of the card. The 
birth of a child is made known to the 
mother's social list by mailing the mother's 
card, which has tied to it by a strip of 
white satin ribbon a card only a quarter 
as large carrying the full name of the baby. 
In this case, the prefix Mr. or Miss is 
omitted, but the date of birth appears in 
a lower corner. The recipients of these 
cards are required to call with inquiry as 
to the health of the senders, and to leave 
their cards in return. Persons residing 
at a distance may post their cards of ac- 
knowledgment, with a penciled phrase of 

congratulation. 
[60] 



DINNERS 

ORMAL INVITATIONS 

to dinner should be sent 
between five and ten days 

■ before the date. A hostess 

l^^^^^^pl may use her own discretion 
as to whether she will write the invitations 
by hand or use an engraved form. The 
wording is the same in either case. 

Mr. and Mrs, Walter Peck 
request the pleasure of 



company at dinner 

on evening 

at 0^ clock 

401 Armstrong Street 

The engraved form should be printed on 

a large, heavy piece of bristol board in old 

C61] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 

English or block type, or in script. When 
the dinner has a guest of honor, notice of 
the fact may be given by a line across the 
bottom of the invitation: 

To meet Captain Arthur Shayne 

Or a special small card may be inclosed 
with the invitation, on which is engraved a 
similar phrase. 

When the affair is of extraordinary im- 
portance, the form of invitation may dig- 
nify the purpose by announcing it at the 
outset. 

To meet 

The Bishop of Albany 

Mr. and Mrs, William Astor 

request the pleasure of 



company at dinner 

on evening 

at 0* clock 

401 Armstrong Street 
[62] 



DINNERS 



For dinners to which only a small num- 
ber of persons are invited and these 
mutually acquainted, the formal mode 
of invitation is not required. A simple 
note is sufficient. 

51 Hamilton Place, 
March 7th, igig 
My Dear Mrs, Robinson: 

Will you and Mr, Robinson, if 
disengaged, give us the pleasure of your 
company at dinner on Friday the thir- 
teenth, at half-past seven o'clock? 
Yours sincerely, 

Edith MacArthur 

This form may be varied according to 
the taste of the writer and the degree of 
intimacy with the person to whom the 
invitation is sent. 

When it becomes necessary to invite some 
one to take the place of a guest who is 
unable to be present, this late invitation 
should not be of the formal sort, but 

C63] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



should be contained in a note frankly ex- 
plaining the circumstances. Such invita- 
tions, of course, are never made to merely 
formal acquaintances. 

The custom formerly prevailed of writing 
the initials R.s.v.p., on the dinner invita- 
tions, the initials of the French words, 
repondez, s'il vous plait (reply if you 
please). But this usage has lost favor. 

An invitation to dinner demands an im- 
mediate answer, either accepting or declin- 
ing. The invitation cannot be accepted 
conditionally, nor can the decision be de- 
layed. The form of reply should be as 
simple as the form of the invitation. 

i^ North Street 
April ^oth, igig 
Mr, and Mrs. Sloan Potter 
accept with pleasure 
Mr, and Mrs, John Morehouse's 

invitation to dinner 
Tuesday evening, May the sixth 
at half-past seven 
C64] 



DINNERS 



For a declination, the following form 

may be used: 

ij North Street 

April 50, igig 

Mr, and Mrs. Sloan Potter 

regret that their absence from the city 

must prevent their acceptance of 

Mr. and Mrs. John Morehouse's 

invitation to dinner on 

Tuesday evening, May the sixth 

at half-past seven 

The invitation in the form of a note is 
answered similarly b^^ a note. Thus: 

42 Chestnut Street 
April 50, igig 
My Dear Mrs. Morehouse: 

It is with much pleasure that 
I accept your kind invitation to din- 
ner on Tuesday evening, the sixth, 
at half-past seven o'clock. 

Yours sincerely, 

Helen Potter 
C65] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



A declination should state a courteous 
reason. 

All such answers are addressed to the 
hostess alone. If she is married the hus- 
band is, nevertheless, omitted from the 
address. 

The reply to an informal invitation 
should always be correspondingly informal. 
: For a formal dinner, there should be an 
even number of guests, eight or ten, or 
more, with the sexes evenly divided. 

Either a round or square table will serve, 
but it should be large enough to accommo- 
date all the party without crowding. 

A pad should cover the table. The white 
cloth over this should be so large that the 
corners reach nearly to the floor. 

A folded napkin is placed on each plate, 
with a roll or piece of bread laid within it. 
Three forks are laid to the left of the plate, 
with prongs up. Two steel knives are to 
the right of the plate, and then a silver 
knife, the edge of each to the left. A soup 
spoon follows the silver knife, and then 
L662 



DINNERS 



an oyster fork. Other utensils are some- 
times added, but are not necessary. 

A goblet for water is placed before the 
knives. With it are grouped whatever 
wine glasses may be required. A small 
card lying on the napkin carries the name 
of the guest to be seated here. 

When dinner is announced, the host 
offers his arm to the woman who is to sit 
on his right, and leads the way to the 
dining-room. Already, in welcoming the 
guests, the hostess has made known the 
dinner-partners, introducing them when 
necessary. These now follow in pairs to 
the dining-room. The hostess brings up the 
rear. The guests find their places by the 
cards. 

The hostess does not rise in greeting a 
late arrival, even a woman. But the host 
does, and sees to the seating of the laggard. 

It has long been the custom for the ladies 
to leave the dining-room after the fruit 
course, and to have coffee served in the 
drawing-room. In such case, the men 

C67] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY. 



stand until the women have passed out. 
Afterward, they seat themselves where 
they please, and smoking is permitted. The 
present-day tendency, however, is toward 
lessening the time of this separation and 
often doing away with it altogether, es- 
pecially at less formal dinners, which other- 
wise follow an essentially identical routine. 

Both host and hostess must say farewell, 
standing, with a handclasp, to each guest. 

As for the guest, his first duty is to arrive 
exactly on time. Fifteen minutes of delay 
is the limit. 

On ceremonious occasions, the hostess 
writes a lady's name on a card, and places 
it in an envelope. This is given to the 
male guest on his arrival by a servant, and 
from it he learns the identity of the one 
he is to take in to dinner. When the din- 
ner is announced, he offers his arm, and 
escorts the woman into the dining-room, 
where he pulls out her chair, and stands 
until she is seated. 

It is permissible for dinner-partners, 
[68] 



DINNERS 



after the opening courses, to give some 
attention to their other immediate neigh- 
bors. 

A guest is free to leave at any time after 
the conclusion of the dinner. Usually, an 
hour is long enough to remain after the 
meal is ended. 

In taking leave, the guest must express 
a courteous appreciation of the hospitality 
that has been extended. 

" I am under deep obligation to you, Mrs. 
Johnson, for a most delightful evening.*' 

This, or any similar pleasant phrases of 
gratitude, will serve. The words of appre- 
ciation should be particularly addressed to 
the hostess always. 

Evening dress is required for all guests 
at a formal dinner. For men, the regula- 
tion swallow-tail is imperative. The wear- 
ing of a dinner-jacket is not allowable on 
any occasion of ceremony. 



C69] 




GARDEN-PARTIES 

I ARDEN-PARTIES are prob- 
ably destined to grow in 
popularity in this century, 
for they offer one of the 
simplest and most pleasant 
forms of entertainment during those sea- 
sons when the outdoors is attractive. 

For such an affair, the hostess sends out 
invitations about ten days beforehand. 
These may be engraved on white bristol 
board, in which case either one of two 
forms is permissible. 

Mrs, Melville Stratton 

At Home 

Friday afternoon, April third 

from Jour until seven o^ clock 

Garden-Party Nine Park Square 

[70] 



GARDEN-PARTIES 



Or: 

Mrs. Melville Stratton 
requests the pleasure of 

company on Friday afternoon 

April third 

from Jour until seven o^ clock 

Garden-Party Nine Park Square 

If less pretentiousness is preferred for the 
occasion, the hostess may merely use a 
visiting-card. Below her name she writes: 

Garden-Party, April third, Jour to 
seven o'clock. 

Still a third method of issuing the invi- 
tations is by means of a short note, written 
in the first person. 

The formal engraved invitation demands 
a prompt reply, written in the third person. 
An acceptance might properly take this 
mode of expression : 

[71] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



Mr. and Mrs. Clinton Brewster 

accept with pleasure 

Mrs. Strattons kind ijivitation 

for April third. 

Thirty Abernethey Row 
May twenty-fifth y igig 

A refusal might be in the following form: 

Mr. and Mrs. Clinton Brewster 
regret that a previous engagement 

prevents their acceptance 

of Mrs. Strattons kind invitation 

for April third 

Thirty Abernethey Row 
May twenty-fijth, igig 

When the invitation is by means of the 
visiting-card, an answer is not obhgatory. 
Yet, it is well to acknowledge this form of 
invitation, also, by sending a short note 
written in the first person, either accepting 
or refusing. 

Of course, when the invitation itself 
[72] 



GARDEN-PARTIES 



takes the form of a note, the answer should 
follow the same style. 

It is part of the duty of the hostess to 
put her house in order, as well as the 
grounds. The guests on arriving may, in 
many cases, go within before greeting the 
hostess, to lay aside wraps or heavy veils. 
Moreover, weather conditions may make 
it necessary to seek shelter indoors. It 
is often convenient also to have the refresh- 
ments set out on the porch. These should 
include hot and cold tea, punch or claret- 
cup, cakes, sandwiches, salads, fruits in 
season, and the like, which are partaken of 
by the guests according to their pleasure. 

Or a marquee may shelter the refresh- 
ments — a tent roof set up at any desired 
place on the lawn. 

The hostess receives her guests on the 
lawn. She wears an afternoon gown, suit- 
able for the season, and a hat. But, if she 
prefers, she may leave off the hat, and use 
a parasol in its stead. 

The women guests, too, wear their most 

[73] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



effective afternoon gowns and also hats and 
veils and gloves, which are not taken off. 

The men may wear frock or morning 
coats and silk hats, and this garb is com- 
mon at garden-parties in England. In 
this country, however, more comfortable 
clothes are popular, and flannels, or other 
fabrics of light material, are favored. 

Guests leave their cards on a tray pro- 
vided for that purpose in the hallway of 
the house. The requirements concerning 
cards have already been fully explained in 
the chapters on cards and at homes. 

After greeting the hostess, a guest must 
remain for at least twenty minutes, and 
may properly continue on throughout the 
whole afternoon. 

Discretion should be used in the matter 
of saying farewell. It should be omitted if 
the hostess is occupied. If she is free, good- 
bye may be spoken, and with it a phrase 
in appreciation of the hospitality. 



[74] 



HOUSE-PARTIES 




[HE HOUSE-PARTY is 
made up of any number of 
guests, from half a dozen to 
a score, and may be merely 
for a few days or for any 
desired length of time. But, whatever is to 
be the length of the guest's stay, it should 
be specifically stated in the invitation. It 
is a common saying that an invitation that 
sets no time for the visit is no invitation 
at all, and the saying is quite true. 

So, in writing her invitation, a hostess 
mentions the exact day for the guest's 
arrival, and, as well, the exact day of de- 
parture. The invitation is always a note 
written in the first person. The following 
may serve as an illustration: 



[75] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



The Oaks, Hyde Park, 

April 10, igig. 
Dear Mrs, Ashland: 

I should be delighted to have you 
come to us for the next week-end, and I 
hope that there is no previous engage- 
ment to prevent your giving us this 
pleasure. 

The best train for you to take 
from the city is the one leaving at three 
in the afternoon. Mr. Lawrence will 
meet this at the station here on Friday. 

In eager anticipation of your visit, 
believe me, 

Cordially yours, 
Ella Lawrence 

The guest's answer to the invitation must 
be of the promptest, whether it accepts or 
rejects the proposal of a visit. It should, 
of course, be written in the first person. 
The wording is a matter for the individual 
taste, and the form following is offered 
merely as a suggestion. 
[76] 



HOUSE-PARTIES 



^7 Tremont St,, 

New York, 
April II, igig. 
Dear Mrs, Lawrence: 

I am more pleased than I can tell 
you to receive your kind invitation, since 
there is nothing to prevent my acceptance 
of it. I shall take the three o'clock train 
on Friday afternoon for Hyde Park, 
and I am looking forward very eagerly 
to being with you so soon. 

Yours sincerely, 
Roberta Ashland 

The declination of the invitation should 
contain some fitting expression of regret, 
and an explanation as to the causes that 
render an acceptance impossible. 

It is imperative that a girl should be met 
at the station by her host in person, or, if 
convenient, preferably by the hostess, or 
perhaps by both. But this attention is 
not obligatory in the case of a married 



[77] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



couple or with a bachelor guest. But 
these, too, should be met at the station 
by a servant if not by the host, and duly 
conveyed to the house where they are to 
be entertained. 

The guest on arrival should be welcomed 
at the entrance by the hostess, if she has 
not been to the station, and after the 
greetings she escorts the guest, if this is a 
woman, to the chamber she is to occupy, 
and there leaves her to freshen herself 
after the journey. 

When the luggage is brought in, a com- 
petent maid will unpack it and distribute 
the contents through the drawers of the 
bureau and in the closet, and render such 
other services as may be required. A less 
competent maid can at least unstrap the 
luggage, remove trays, and help in the dis- 
posal of the contents. 

In the case of a man, after being greeted 
by his hostess, he is conducted to his 
room by the host. 

The wardrobe requirements for the visitor 
L78] 



HOUSE-PARTIES 



at a house-party are regulated by the prob- 
able nature of the entertainment that will 
be provided, by the season of the year, and 
by the particular social status of the hosts, y^:^ 
No hard-and-fast rule can be given. Thus, 
where a woman visits a country house for 
a few days in the summer, she needs no 
larger wardrobe than can be carried in the 
tiniest of trunks, suitcase and hat-box. 
The hat used for traveling will serve her 
also on occasion during the visit, but she 
will need in addition a sport-hat for tramp- 
ing or out-door games and another hat of 
sufficient elegance for wear at a lawn party 
or wherever more elaborate dress is neces- 
sary. The frocks should follow the lines 
thus indicated, and there should be a suffi- 
ciency of dainty waists and footgear be- 
sides the inevitable decollete gowns for 
evening wear. 

For the man, also, evening clothes are 
essential, and he should be provided 
with flannels, besides the business suit in 
which he travels. For winter, the change 

[79] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



in season would demand a corresponding 
change in the matter of dress, especially 
for out of doors. 

The hostess plans sufficient entertain- 
ment for her guests, but, if she is discreet, 
she does not plan too many things. It is 
customary to leave the mornings to the 
devices of the guests, to be occupied by 
them according to their individual pleasure. 
Where a morning start is required on some 
expedition, such as a picnic, the hostess is 
likely to leave the evening free from any 
special entertainment. 

It is the duty of the guest to conform to 
the habits of the household. If the party 
assembles together for breakfast, he or she 
must make one of the number though the 
hour may be too early or too late for per- 
sonal convenience. Likewise, the guest 
should accept such disposal of his or her 
time as the hostess may choose to make, 
even when the preference would be quite 
otherwise. The tactful hostess, of course, 
studies the likes and dislikes of her guests, 
[80] 



HOUSE-PARTIES 



and seeks to reconcile her hospitality so 
far as possible to their prejudices. 

It is customary to give tips on leaving a 
house-party to those servants with whom 
the guest has been brought more closely 
in contact. The maid who has attended to 
the room should receive a dollar from the 
visitor for a few days; the butler, if there 
is one, should receive a dollar and a half. 
The amount for the chauffeur should be 
regulated to some extent by his personal 
service in the guest's behalf. Where there 
has been none, a dollar is sufficient. 

These figures are apphcable in the cases 
of unmarried women and bachelors, al- 
though the tendency of the latter is to 
give more. The sums named, however, are 
regarded as acceptable by the servants 
themselves. Naturally, they enjoy the 
lavish, even prodigal tips given by certain 
persons of wealth, who are more ostenta- 
tious than discreet. Such indiscretions, 
however, need not set up a false standard 
for other guests. 

[81] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



In the case of a husband and wife, the 
tips to maid and butler, etc., should be 
increased. It is usual for the wife to tip 
the female servants, while the husband 
satisfies those of his own sex. When the 
care of the guest's shoes devolves on a 
house-boy, he, too, should be remembered 
with a half-dollar. 

The male guests frequently give a tip 
of a dollar or more to the cook. 

It is the duty of the hostess in the case of 
a woman visitor to bid her farewell in per- 
son, even if this should necessitate arising 
at an unpleasantly early hour. But in the 
case of a man's leaving thus early, it suf- 
fices if she makes her farewell the night 
before. It then becomes the duty of the 
host to attend on the guest for the break- 
fast and departure. 

In about a week after such a visit, the 
guest should write a note to the hostess, 
expressing warm appreciation of the hos- 
pitality thus enjoyed. It is also permissi- 
ble for the guest to send a gift that is not 

[82] 



HOUSE-PARTIES 



too costly, such as a book, or any simple 
thing that may serve as a token of remem- 
brance. But this is in no wise obligatory, 
and, in fact, good taste is likely to prevent 
the bestowal of such a gift in most cases. 
There could hardly be anything less satis- 
factory to a hostess than a string of such 
souvenirs from her whilom guests. 

Where the visit is a very short one, less 
than two days, it is customary to dispense 
with the bread-and-butter letter. 



C83] 



INTRODUCTIONS 




IMPLICITY SHOULD al- 

ways characterize good 
manners, and this truth 
applies especially in the 
matter of introductions. 
There should be no attempt at fine 
phrases. 

"Mrs. Smith, let me present Mr. Jones." 
It is to be noted that the names of both 
persons concerned are given. They should 
be spoken with entire distinctness. 

In this form, a man is presented to a 
woman, and this is the rule to be gener- 
ally observed. It is admissible for the intro- 
duction to contain an expression of the 
man's wish for it. 

"Mrs. Smith, Mr. Jones desires to be 
presented to you." 
C84] 



INTRODUCTIONS 



Slight variations in the phrasing of these 
forms are permitted. For example, after 
saying, "Mrs. Smith, let me present Mr. 
Jones," it is proper to add some such 
phrase as, "He is very anxious to meet 
you. 

It is always a mark of courtesy to request 
a lady's permission in advance of the actual 
introduction. When introductions are to 
be made between a woman, who is a new- 
comer, and an assembly of guests, the new- 
comer is given the formal distinction of 
receiving the introductions. 

"Miss Brown, let me present Mrs. Rob- 
inson, Miss Robinson, Miss Helen Robinson, 
Mr. Jones, Mr. Truesdale." 

Often, the form of introduction is cur- 
tailed, especially when the company is 
numerous. In such case, merely the names 
are spoken, that of the stranger having first 
place. 

"Miss Brown — Mrs. Robinson, Miss 
Robinson, Miss Helen Robinson, Mr. Jones, 
Mr. Truesdale." 

C85] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 

Care must be taken to remember that the 
person to whom the introduction is made 
has the place of honor. It is on this ac- 
count that the rule of proper procedure re- 
quires the presentation of a man to a 
woman, and always the presentation of 
the inferior to the superior, although the 
distinction is usually purely theoretical. 
For example, an unmarried woman should 
be presented to a matron. So, the younger 
person should be presented to his or her 
elders ; the ordinary person should be 
presented to the person of distinction. 
Where men or women are of nearly equal 
age or station, it is safer not to discrimi- 
nate between them by presenting one to 
the other. It is enough merely to name 
them. 

''Mr. Smith, Mr. Robinson." Or: "Mrs. 
Jones, Mrs. Brown." 

It is a part of good tact on the part of a 

host or hostess in making introductions to 

add a few words of explanation as to some 

particular interest of each, which may be 
[86] 



INTRODUCTIONS 



of assistance to them at the beginning of 
their conversation. 

In every instance, the greatest care 
should be taken by the person making an 
introduction to pronounce both names with 
the utmost clearness. Nothing is more 
annoying than an indistinct mumble that 
leaves the hearers uninformed* 

When, for any reason, one fails to 
understand a stranger's name at the 
time of introduction, it is permissible to 
ask it. 

** Pardon me, but I did not understand 
the name." 

There are some variations that should 
be noted as to the manner of acknowledg- 
ing an introduction. In her own home, a 
woman should offer her hand, while saying, 
"Mrs. Smith, I am very glad to meet you," 
or any similar phrase of cordial greeting. 
But such a cordial phrase is not to be used 
by a woman when a man is presented to 
her, unless she is the hostess. A man, on 
the contrary, on receiving his introduction 

C87] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



to a lady, should express his appreciation 
in a courteous sentence. 

"I am very glad to meet you, Miss 
Robinson." 

The tendency to-day is toward elimina- 
tion of handshaking by women on the occa- 
sion of an introduction, except in the case 
of a hostess. A slight bow of the head, 
a smile and the repetition of the stran- 
ger's name are deemed enough. But 
many women still prefer a less formal 
manner, and give their hand when an intro- 
duction is made. 

It is the duty of a hostess to stand up 
when receiving an introduction. This ap- 
plies equally whether the stranger is a 
man or a woman. But a woman other 
than the hostess, when a member of a 
group, remains seated during any intro- 
duction to her unless it is of one her superior 
in age or station, whom she should honor 
by rising. Otherwise, it is preferable for 
a woman to stand in acknowledging an 

introduction of one of her own sex, though 
[88] 



INTRODUCTIONS 



she should remain seated when a man is 
presented to her. 

In England, it is usual to omit intro- 
ductions among those gathered in the same 
house, and guests are expected to conduct 
themselves as acquaintances without this 
formality. In our country, however, the 
custom has not prevailed to any consider- 
able extent, and it is not ordinarily proper 
for strangers to address each other without 
having been introduced, even though they 
are fellow-guests. 

A hostess should introduce all her guests 
one to another at ordinary dinner-parties, 
luncheons, or breakfasts. But, in the case 
of very large dinner-parties, she is required 
only to introduce those who are to be part- 
ners at table, though it is advisable for her 
to make other introductions to any extent 
convenient. At the table, however, intro- 
ductions should be carefully avoided. If 
the women leave the table before the men, 
other introductions may be made among 
them in the drawing-room. The men, too, 

C89] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



on returning to the drawing-room may be 
presented to such women as they have not 
already met. 

When a hostess receives at home, she 
should introduce each new arrival to some 
of the guests who are near by. If she has 
an assistant in receiving, each guest should 
be presented. On formal occasions, it is 
not her duty to go about among the guests 
in order to introduce them. 

The hostess at a large ball follows a 
similar course of conduct. But in less 
formal affairs she should be at pains to 
see that no guest is neglected, and that 
each, as far as possible, has a due share 
in the dancing. 

It is especially desirable on all formal 
occasions, such as large balls for example, 
that a man wishing to present a friend to 
a woman should first privately ask her 
j)ermission. 

Introductions of a very casual sort should 
never be taken too seriously. This appHes 
particularly to those made in a public 
[90] 



INTRODUCTIONS 



place, such as the street, when a person 
accompanied by a friend meets an acquain- 
tance, who is a stranger to that friend, and 
there is a pause for a brief chat. Usually, 
there is no occasion for an introduction 
under these circumstances, and if one is 
made it may be afterward ignored. As a 
matter of fact, only a rather extensive con- 
versation between the acquaintances would 
justify an introduction. Perfunctory in- 
troductions of those temporarily associated 
in a game on the tennis court, or the like, 
are to be regarded as equally casual, and 
not of a sort necessitating subsequent 
recognition. 

Introductions may be formally made by 
letter. In such case, the letter should deal 
exclusively with the introduction. There 
is no set form, but the following will serve 
as a sufficient guide, to be varied according 
to personal inclination: 



[91] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



Burlington, Vermont, 
June I, igig. 
My dear Mrs, Smith: 

It gives me great pleasure to intro- 
duce to you my friend, Miss Truesdale, 
who is about to visit relatives in your 
city, I shall deeply appreciate any 
courtesy you may show her. 

With kindest regards to yourself 
and Mr, Smith, I am. 

Yours sincerely, 

Mabel Potter 

A similar form will suffice for the intro- 
auction of a man, whether to another man 
or to a woman. Discretion should be ex- 
ercised always in the granting of letters 
of introduction, and it is well to write a 
separate letter giving details concerning 
the person thus introduced. The letter of 
introduction itself should be placed in an 
addressed envelope, which is left unsealed, 
[92] 



INTRODUCTIONS 



to be presented in person by the one to be 
introduced. 

Instead of a letter, a common practise 
uses the visiting-card of the person making 
the introduction. In such case, a line is 
written across the top of the card. 

Introducing Mr, Russell Elliot 

This card also is enclosed within its 
proper envelope, duly addressed, but un- 
sealed, and delivered to the person for 
whose benefit it is given. 

It is common for a man to call at the 
residence of the person to whom the intro- 
duction is addressed, and there give the 
envelope, still unsealed, to the servant, to- 
gether with his own card. In the absence 
of the host or hostess, the caller places his 
own card inside the envelope, which is 
then sealed, and left. A woman never 
follows this procedure. She places her 
card in the envelope containing the intro- 
duction, which is then sealed, and dropped 
in the post for delivery. 

[93] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



One receiving such a letter of introduc- 
tion, whether man or woman, is expected, 
if the bearer is a woman, to call on her 
within two days' time, and to follow this 
up with some sort of hospitable entertain- 
ment. If, for any imperative reason, a 
call is impossible, a letter should be written 
in explanation. 

The like procedure is followed when both 
parties are men. But when a man presents 
such a letter of introduction to a woman, 
she does not, of course, call upon him, but 
writes to extend her hospitable offers. 



[94] 



LETTERS 




HE MOST TROUBLE- 
SOME detail in letter-writ- 
ing is the matter of address. 
It should be noted that there 
is a distinction between Dear 
and My dear. In our country, the more for- 
mal style is with the pronoun, while the pro- 
noun is omitted in writing to friends. A 
letter to a mere acquaintance begins 

with the words, My dear 

But the form for an intimate is simply 

Dear 

The usual address for business purposes 
and to those with whom no social relations 
are established is Dear Sir, The plural 
is used in addressing firms, Dear Sirs, or 
the one word Gentlemen, may be employed. 
In addressing a man with whom social 
relations are established, the surname is 

[95] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



used, preceded by Dear or My dear, accord- 
ing to the degree of intimacy. My dear 
Mr, Hudson; Dear Mr, Grant, 

A woman who is a stranger may be ad- 
dressed either as Madam or Dear Madam, 
whether she be married or unmarried. The 
form ^'Dear Miss'' is to be avoided under all 
circumstances. 

For the woman with whom the writer is 
formally acquainted, the address is: My 

dear Mrs , if she is married, 

and My dear Miss , if she is 

unmarried. When the person is a friend, 

she should be addressed : Dear Mrs , 

if she is a married woman, and Dear Miss 
, if she is unmarried. 

The full name should be signed to formal 
letters. The married woman should use 
her own Christian name, not her husband's 
with the Mrs, prefixed. But, in business 
communications to strangers, she may very 
properly give her husband's name with the 
prefix Mrs,, below her usual signature, and 
inclosed in parenthesis. 
C96] 



LETTERS 

Similarly, for the sake of clearness, a 
business letter by an unmarried woman 
may have Miss in parenthesis before the 
name. 

Envelopes should be addressed to the 
recipient with the full name and necessary 
prefix — Mr,, Mrs., or Miss. 

The Mr., however, must be omitted if 
Esq. is written after the name. The Eng- 
lish custom limits the use of Esquire to 
those who are technically gentlemen. For 
example, Esq. is placed after the name in 
addressing a barrister, but it must not be 
used in writing to a tradesman, who is 
given only the prefix Mr. 

The prefix Mr. is used when Junior or 
Senior is indicated after the name by an 
abbreviation. In such case, Esq. must 
never be written. 

It must be noted also that in the case of 
addresses, as with cards, to which attention 
has already been given, the husband's title 
must not be given to the wife. Mrs. Colonel, 
Mrs. Doctor, Mrs. Professor, and the like, 

[97] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



are barbarisms, which are not tolerated in 
America or England. The Germans, how- 
ever, use them. 

The phrase before the signature to a 
letter varies according to the circumstances, 
and especially according to the individual 
taste. Thus, in concluding a very formal 
communication, it is quite proper to use 
the old-fashioned wording, / am, my dear 
Madam, your obedient servant. An ordinary 
convenient form that covers a wide field 
is, / remain, Yours sincerely, or Yours 
faithfully, or Yours cordially, writing / 
remain on one line, and the Yours, etc., on 
the line below. Thus: 

/ remain, 

Yours sincerely, 
Yours truly, or Very truly yours, is best 
reserved for business communications. 
Yours respectfully is apphcable for business 
communications, and also for letters ad- 
dressed to superiors, and for use generally 
as a rather meaningless style. 

Men of exalted position are commonly 
C98] 



LETTERS 



addressed as Sir without any qualifying 
word. And the form in ending is, / have, 
Sir, the honor to remain Your most obedi- 
ent servant — Your, etc., forming a separate 
line. 

A letter of a social sort would begin, 
My dear Mr. President. 

The like form would suffice for the vice- 
president, except for a letter of social char- 
acter, when he should be addressed by 
name. My dear Mr 

A justice of the supreme court, a senator, 
a member of the house of representatives, 
a cabinet officer, the governor of a state, 
etc., all have the same formal Sir as the 
address and the corresponding phrase in 
conclusion. But there is variation in the 
address when the letter is of social import. 
The justice may be addressed My dear Jus- 
tice , or Dear Mr. Justice 

The senator is addressed My dear Sena- 
tor The representative in 

congress is addressed My dear Mr 

[99:] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 

On the envelope, the forms are respec- 
tively Mr. Justice , Senator 

, Hon (for the 

congressman) . 

The social letter to a cabinet officer ad- 
dresses him by name, My dear , 

and has on the envelope Hon, preceding the 
name and his official designation following 
it. 

A governor is usually addressed My dear 

Governor And the envelope 

should have the title preceding the name. 

In all cases except that of the President, 
the conclusion of a social letter is a simple 
form such as, / remain, Yours very sin- 
cerely. 

A mayor is addressed either as Sir, or 
Your Honor, in formal communications, 

and as My dear Mayor in 

social correspondence. The envelope prop- 
erly gives him a full designation, His Honor 

the Mayor of The name 

follows, written on a lower line. 

The form of address is the same for both 

[lOO] 



LETTERS 



ofFicial and social letters in the case of a 
Roman Catholic archbishop: Most Rever- 
end and Dear Sir. The conclusion should 
run: / have the honor to remain Your obedi- 
ent servant — Your, etc., being written on 
a lower line. The envelope carries The 
Most Reverend , Archbishop of 



All letters to a cardinal begin Your Emi^ 
nence. The conclusion is the same as to 
an archbishop. The envelope reads His 
Eminence Cardinal 

For a Roman Catholic bishop all letters 
begin Right Reverend and Dear Sir. The 
conclusion is that used for the preceding 
prelates. On the envelope: The Right 
Reverend , Bishop of 

A Protestant bishop, also, is addressed 
Right Reverend and Dear Sir officially, but 
a social letter begins My dear Bishop 

The conclusion may take 

the form given for Roman Catholic digni- 
taries, but for social letters it is sufficient 
to write, / remain Yours sincerely. The 

C loi ] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



envelope reads: The Right Reverend , 

Bishop of 

Both priests and Protestant clergymen 
are officially addressed: Reverend and Dear 
Sir, But, in a social letter, the beginning 

is Dear Father , in the case of 

a priest; while the Protestant minister is 

addressed as Dear Mr , or 

Dear Doctor , if he has such a 

title. The conclusion for either need be 
no more than: / remain, Yours very sin- 
cerely. The envelope bears, The Reverend 



The possession of degrees may be indi- 
cated by writing the proper initials after 
the name. Where the clergyman has the 
degree of Doctor, this is sometimes used as 
an abbreviation preceding the name — 
The Reverend Dr 



C 102] 



LUNCHEONS 




IHE ETIQUETTE for a 

luncheon is essentially the 
same as that for a breakfast, 
which has already been de- 
scribed. But the luncheon 
at present enjoys a popularity that is dis- 
tinctive in one respect: it serves conven- 
iently very often as a function wholly for 
the entertainment of feminine guests. 

The usual hour for a luncheon is from 
one to two o'clock. The invitations, un- 
less the affair is to be quite informal, should 
be sent out ten days before the date set. 
As in the case of a breakfast, the invitation 
may be sent on a visiting-card, writing 
below the name: 

Luncheon at one o'clock 
April the fourth 

[ 103 ] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 

For an especially formal affair, the in- 
vitation should be engraved on square 
white cards of large size, similar to those 
employed for dinner-invitations. 

Mrs. George Vinton Thome 
requests the pleasure oj 

company at luncheon 

on 

at o"^ clock 

Eleven Green Street 

A note written in the first person may 
convey the invitation, if the hostess pre- 
fers this manner. 

The acceptance or refusal of an invita- 
tion may be in the third person, following 
the examples given in the chapter on din- 
ners, or it may be written as a note in the 
first person. In either case, the method 
used in the invitation itself must govern 
the style of the reply. 

At the more formal luncheon, the menu 
C 104] 



LUNCHEONS 



may be elaborate, with oysters, bouillon, 
fish, and other courses following to any 
desired extent, but care must be taken 
always that the general character of the 
viands served must not be oversubstantial. 
The meal should be of a distinctively lighter 
sort as compared with dinner. 

The women guests usually wear their 
most effective frocks. Wraps are left in 
the cloak-room provided, or, if this is lack- 
ing, in the hall. The hats are not removed, 
but the veil is either pushed up out of the 
way, or removed, according to the wearer's 
pleasure. The gloves are taken off after 
arrival at table, and left in the lap, covered 
by the napkin. 

A guest should remain for at least half 
an hour after the completion of the meal, 
and from this minimum of time up to an 
hour or perhaps a little longer, according 
to the particular circumstances. 

The farewell of each guest should, of 
course, contain some phrase expressing ap- 
preciation of the hospitality enjoyed. 

C 105 ] 



MOURNING 




^HERE IS ROOM for so 

much variety in the expres- 
sion of personal tastes as 
to the matter of mourning 
that hard-and-fast rules are 



of doubtful value. There is, however, some 
degree of exactness as to the dress suitable 
for widows, although, even in this connec- 
tion, individual choice and the changes of 
fashion exert their influence to the display 
of diff'ering modes. 

The widow's mourning may be divided 
into three periods, termed respectively first, 
second and third. 

The first mourning includes the entire 
costume in black. Usually, the material 
of the dress is of worsted, with a trimming 
of crepe. The black bonnet is of crepe, 
and from it hangs a long veil, also of crepe. 
Cio6] 



MOURNING 



Formerly, these veils were of extreme 
length, reaching even to the hem of the 
gown. The tendency has been, however, 
toward shortening the veil, and the present 
fashion insists on only a moderate length. 
Another veil, worn over the face, was for- 
merly both long and heavy, but the style 
has been modified, and at present it is of 
lighter texture and of much briefer pro- 
portions. The bonnet has white ruching 
within the front edge, and the gown is 
trimmed with sheer white cuffs, and a collar 
of the same material. 

The gloves must be of dull black, and 
ornaments of dull jet, with a black-bordered 
handkerchief. 

This first mourning should be worn for a 
full year. A change may then be made to 
second mourning, in which the dress may 
be of crepe de chine or dull silk, with a hat 
carrying black chiffon, etc., and ornaments 
of dull jet. 

The third mourning is assumed after 

another six months. In this white and 

C 107] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



lilac are permitted to relieve the somber- 
ness of the attire. This mourning is worn 
for a period of six months, also, after which 
colors may be resumed. 

It should be noted that the white ruche 
on the bonnet is the one distinctive fea- 
ture of the first mourning that designates 
the wearer as a widow. A woman may 
wear exactly the same costume, with the 
exception of this white ruche on the bonnet, 
in the mourning for a parent, a child, a 
brother or a sister. 

The period for wearing mourning in such 
case, and the changes in it, may follow the 
details given above for widows. 

Mourning for a parent-in-law is black, 
with the crepe omitted. This is worn for 
only a month, and is followed by any pre- 
ferred combinations of black and white, re- 
lieved by lilac, for a fortnight or a little 
longer. 

The mourning for close relatives worn 

by a young unmarried woman does not 

include the bonnet and veil. Instead, a 
[io8] 



MOURNING 



hat trimmed with crepe is worn, and a 
black net veil over the face is trimmed 
with crepe. After six months or a year, 
the crepe is omitted from hat and veil, and 
also from the gown. Black and white and 
lilac are then deemed suitable. Usually, 
however, the older unmarried women wear 
the veil and bonnet of the first mourning, 
as do widows, but with the white ruche 
omitted. 

Mourning is not usually adopted when 
the death is of relatives-in-Iaw or of a 
grandparent. 

Three months is ordinarily sufficient for 
mourning in the case of an uncle or aunt, 
and it does not include crepe. Ornaments 
may be worn, though preferably of a very 
quiet sort. 

In general, it is well to bear in mind 

that mourning should not be worn except 

for the members of one's immediate family. 

Of course, the particular circumstances in 

each case must be a determining factor. 

For example, while mourning is not cus- 

[109] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



tomarily worn for a cousin, yet a girl who 
had made a home with such a relative 
might appropriately wear mourning as for 
her own mother. 

Crepe is not deemed suitable for girls 
not yet old enough for a formal entrance 
into society, and children should be spared 
the lugubrious trappings of woe in every 
case. But a girl about sixteen years of age, 
on the death of a member of the family, 
appropriately wears a black dress, relieved 
only by touches of white, and a black hat, 
with dull black ribbons. She should leave 
off jewelry, but she should not carry a 
handkerchief with black border. 

The mourning for a widower is often 
divided into two periods. During the first, 
black is worn throughout in the costume, 
with white linen. The hat-band is of crepe. 
The present tendency is to make this band 
much narrower than it was of yore. It is 
left off altogether after a year, or perhaps 
eight months, as the second mourning 
begins. The second mourning permits the 
[no] 



MOURNING 



use of gray and white in the costume. A 
man's mourning for a child, parent, brother 
or sister may continue for a full year, or it 
may be put off after six months according 
to his choice. The mourning includes a 
hat-band of crepe. If a man wishes to 
wear mourning for a more distant relative, 
he may use the black and white and gray 
of the widower's second period, but men 
ordinarily do not assume mourning for any 
except closest relations. 

A mourning band on the sleeve is some- 
times worn by men, but it is impossible to 
describe its significance from the stand- 
point of propriety, since it is worn equally 
for those most closely related and for those 
most distantly, without distinction, and 
since it is a custom derived originally from 
England, where it serves as a cheap method 
of providing mourning liveries for servants. 

After the loss of a close relation, a woman 

pays no calls for six months. After that 

time, she may visit her intimates, but not 

on their at-home days. She may also attend 

[in] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



concerts and theater matinees and the like, 
in a very quiet way. After a year, she 
may appear at small dinners, and at the 
theater in the evening, and the like. But 
box parties and all the elaborate functions, 
such for example as balls, must not be 
resumed until the period of mourning has 
expired. 

Elderly women are likely to prefer a 
mourning garb for the remainder of their 
lifetime, after the death of a husband. In 
such cases, after perhaps two years, the 
widow's bonnet and veil are given up, and 
nun's veiling is substituted. While the 
gown remains black, the crepe is omitted 
from it, and the mourning handkerchief is 
no longer carried. Jewelry is worn, but not 
of an ostentatious kind. 



[112] 



MUSICALES 




HE MUSICALE is merely 
a formal at home where 
music is made a special 
feature of the entertain- 
ment. Throughout, the 
procedure is that of an at home, and the 
details are to be found in full in the 
chapter under that heading. The only- 
formal difference is in the wording of the 
invitation, which makes mention of music 
as the feature. 

The invitations are engraved, and may 
take either of the two usual forms, accord- 
ing to the choice of the hostess. 



[113] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



Mrs. George H, Baxter 
requests the pleasure oj 

company 

at a musicale 

on Friday evening, May first 

at half-past nine o^clock 

Twenty-seven Maple Street 

Or the at-home form may be used as 
follows : 

Mr. and Mrs. George H. Baxter 

At Home 

Friday evening, May first 

at halj-past nine o'clock 

Twenty-seven Maple Street 

Music 

Such an affair in the evening is often of 
the most elaborate character, and is essen- 
tially a concert. But a musicale may be 
given with equal propriety in the after- 
noon. The form for engraved invitations 
[114] 



MUSICALES 



is precisely the same, with the single excep- 
tion of the hours named, for the afternoon 
entertainment specifies the time as from 
Jour until seven o'clock. 

For a less formal occasion, a hostess may 
extend her invitations by sending a visiting- 
card, on which she writes, below her name, 
Friday, May first, Jour to seven o'clock, and 
underneath this the single word Music, 
Or in place of the word Music, she may 

write To bear adding the name 

of a particular performer. 

The obhgations of the guests follow in 
all respects those to which attention has 
been already given under the title "At 
Homes." Thus, in the matter of costumes, 
the usage resembles that explained con- 
cerning correct garb for both afternoon 
and evening receptions in the earlier 
chapter. 

It might be well to emphasize the fact 
that no direct reply is required for an invi- 
tation announcing that the hostess will be 
at home on a certain date. But the case is 

[Hi] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



quite otherwise when that form of invita- 
tion is employed which requests the pleas- 
ure of the guest's company. This demands 
a prompt answer, whether of acceptance or 
of refusal, which should be couched in the 
third person. Thus: 

Mr. and Mrs. Henry Sage Beckett 

accept with pleasure 

Mrs. Baxter's kind invitation 

for May first 

Nineteen Wentwortb Square 

April twenty-fir sty igig 

Or, in the event of inability to accept, or 
disinclination, the answer should run as 
follows : 

Mr. and Mrs. Henry Sage Beckett 
regret that a previous engagement 

prevents their acceptance 
of Mrs. Baxter s kind invitation 
Jor May first 
Nineteen Wentworth Square 

April twenty-fir sty igig 
[ii6] 




OPERA 

SUFFICIENT FORM for 

an invitation to an opera 
party will be found in the 
chapter on the theater, 
which needs only a verbal 
change to specify the particular perform- 
ance at the opera instead of at the play- 
house. In general, also, the procedure 
suited to attendance at the theater is to 
be followed in connection with the opera. 
But there are certain differences that 
should be regarded. 

The dress for the opera is more formal 
than for the theater, generally speaking. 
The man, for example, usually keeps his 
white gloves on. The woman, for her part, 
wears a gown that is sleeveless and decol- 
lete, and displays jewels according to her 
means or taste. An aigrette takes the 

C117] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



place of the hat that may be worn to the 
theater. Nevertheless, it is quite permis- 
sible for a woman occupying a stall in the 
orchestra at the opera to wear a costume 
of the sort commonly seen at the theater. 

Visiting at the opera is a distinctive 
feature, facilitated as it is by the number 
of boxes, so greatly in excess of those with 
which the theater is supplied. For it is 
with the boxes that this visiting is chiefly 
concerned, though it reaches to some extent 
to the orchestra stalls. 

Between acts is the proper time for such 
calls, which are usually, but not exclu- 
sively, paid by men. A gentleman may 
call on a lady of his acquaintance in a box, 
though she is a guest of a host or hostess 
who is not known to him. In such case, 
the woman to whom he pays the visit must 
introduce him to her entertainer. But an 
introduction of the sort is merely formal, 
and entails no necessity of subsequent 
recognition by either party. 

No more than five minutes, or even less, 
Cii8] 



OPERA 



should be given to such calls, but some dis- 
cretion is permitted by the particular cir- 
cumstances. Thus, where there are many 
coming and going, the time should be 
shorter than when there are few other 
visitors, or none. The call should never 
extend beyond the end of the intermission. 

Since an opera box is equipped with a 
vestibule of its own, the women do not 
leave their wraps in the cloak-room, but 
wait until their arrival at the box, when 
they are taken off in the vestibule. After- 
ward, on entering the box, the chaperon 
and other older women precede the younger, 
and are offered the choice of seats. But 
they usually prefer the less conspicuous 
positions, and the chairs at the rail are 
given to the debutantes, or younger ma- 
trons. The exact arrangement is always a 
matter for the display of tact on the part 
of host or hostess. 

Visiting among the stalls is necessarily 
more limited, but is practised to any ex- 
tent rendered convenient by location. 

[119] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



In such visiting, the ordinary amenities 
of social intercourse are to be observed. 
The men, for example, must stand when a 
lady enters the box in which they are seated, 
and they should remain standing until her 
departure, or until she has taken a chair. 



[120] 




PRIVATE THEATRICALS 

RIVATE THEATRICALS 

are usually the feature of an 
evening function. 
The form of invitation is 
exactly the same as for a 
musicale, with the one exception in sub- 
stituting Theatricals at ten o'clock. The 
phrase appears thus in the at-home form 
of announcement. When the invitation 
requests the pleasure of the guest's com- 
pany, At Private Theatricals is preferred 
as the descriptive statement. 

On occasions when the theatricals are 
to be followed by a dance, the word Dan- 
cing is added at the bottom of the card. 

The letters i?.s.r.p. are commonly em- 
ployed in connection with such invitations, 
and their appearance on the card empha- 
sizes the necessity of a written reply. 

[121] 



RECEPTIONS 




LL DETAILS of the eti- 
quette that has to do with 
ij receptions, whether they are 
held in the afternoon or in 
the evening, are carefully 
described in the chapter treating various 
forms of the at home. 



[122] 



SMOKING 




GUEST in the home of 
another must not smoke un- 
less invited to do so by host 
or hostess. 

A man in the presence of 
a lady must not smoke unless he asks for, 
and receives, permission to do so. 

A man should not smoke when walking 
with a woman in public. 

A man must not converse while holding 
cigar, pipe, or cigarette in his mouth. 



[123] 



STAIRS 

N A FORMER generation, 
women hid their ankles, and 
gave brief glimpses of them 
only by accident or naughty 
design. It was then required 
of a gentleman that he should precede a 
lady in ascending stairs. To-day, fashion 
has cleared away all mystery concerning 
feminine ankles, and a gentleman is per- 
mitted to follow the lady as she mounts the 
stairs. 



1 


=^-M 






1 


n f" 


rr-r, 



[124] 




STREET ETIQUETTE 

iHEN A MAN and woman 

walk together in the street, 

the man's proper position is 

usually on the side toward 

the curb, and he maintains 

this place also when walking with two 

women. He should never station himself 

between them, unless under the informal 

circumstances of a country road, or the like. 

In the day time, a man does not oflPer a 

woman his arm when they walk together, 

though of course he should give her the 

support of his hand under her elbow when 

such assistance is obviously required, as 

in mounting the steps of a car. But in the 

evening a man properly offers his arm to a 

woman when they are to walk together, 

and she lays her hand on his forearm. 

They should never hook arms, 

[125] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



When a man and woman who are ac- 
quainted with each other meet in the 
street, it is the woman's place to extend 
recognition by a nod and smile, which 
latter varies from coldness to warmth 
according to her will. On receiving such 
recognition, for which in any formal ac- 
quaintance he must wait, the man raises 
his hat, and at the same time bows. 

When a man is walking with a woman, 
he must salute in the same fashion any 
others that pass who recognize either him- 
self or his companion, except that where 
the person is not an acquaintance of his 
own, he merely lifts his hat without bowing. 

When a man encounters a woman on the 
street, and wishes to talk with her, he 
should not detain her, but with her per- 
mission should turn and walk beside her. 
The woman, however, is privileged thus to 
retain the man in conversation, but she 
should withdraw to one side, out of the 
way of passers-by. 

In escorting a woman in a car, the man 
[126] 



STREET ETIQUETTE 



should assist her to enter, and then follow. 
But in leaving, he precedes her and de- 
scends first, then turning to help her down. 

Good sense must determine the precise 
conduct for propriety in various circum- 
stances. Ordinarily, where a couple can- 
not well walk side by side, the man follows 
behind the woman. But where the way 
IS difficult for any reason, he goes in ad- 
vance — as, for example, when it becomes 
necessary to force the way through a 
crowd. 

Some men make a point of standing un- 
covered throughout the length of any con- 
versation with a woman in the street. 
This mode is not to be encouraged, es- 
pecially in the inclement northern winter. 
Merely raising the hat at meeting and 
again at parting is quite sufficient. 



[127] 



TABLE MANNERS 




EPORTMENT AT TABLE 

is the most important single 
item in the total of good 
manners. Yet, the require- 
ments are very simple — so 
simple indeed that there is little excuse 
for those who fail in them. 

It should hardly be necessary to say 
that the position must be one of well- 
balanced erectness. A man's hands should 
be kept in his lap when not busy. So of 
a woman's — formerly. Of recent years, 
a new custom has crept in, and it is com- 
mon to see a woman's forearm or elbow 
resting at ease on the table. 

The napkin is only partly unfolded, and 
laid across the lap. In the case of a woman, 
it covers her gloves, which she has taken 

off on seating herself. At the end of the 

[128] 



TABLE MANNERS 



meal, the crumpled napkin is laid beside 
the plate. But, when making an extended 
stay with friends, the napkin is folded if 
the host and hostess fold theirs in prepara- 
tion for use at another meal. 

The knife is employed only for cutting 
purposes, being then held in the right hand. 
It is afterward put down, while the fork 
is transferred to the right hand for passing 
food to the mouth. When not in use both 
knife and fork are left on the plate. They 
should not be held in the hands, or laid 
down on the table. They are to remain 
on the plate also if it is sent for another 
helping. When eating is ended, knife and 
fork are laid together on the plate — paral- 
lel, points to the center, and the fork tines 
down. 

The fork should be used throughout 
with the tines downward. It is only used 
spoon-fashion for small vegetables such as 
peas. The fork rather than a spoon should 
be used for eating ices, melons, and the 
like. It is used to fold lettuce and other 

C 129] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



salad leaves, which must not be cut with 
a knife. 

The knife is used only for cutting, and 
is afterward laid down on the plate. 

Beverages in glasses or cups are tested 
by sipping from a spoon, which is then 
laid down. Afterward one drinks directly 
from the container. The spoon must never 
be allowed to stand in a cup or glass. For 
taking soup, the spoon is pushed forward, 
not drawn toward one. The soup plate is 
never tipped. The liquid must be taken 
into the mouth from the side of the spoon 
never from the end. 

Boiled eggs are properly eaten with a 
spoon, of course, as are jellies, custards 
and the like, grape-fruit and various fruits 
served with cream, and cereals. 

A finger-bowl is properly used on finish- 
ing a fruit course. A slight rinsing of the 
finger-tips suffices, after which they are 
wiped on the napkin. 

Butter is not served at formal dinners. 

At all other meals a special plate is laid 
C 130] 



TABLE MANNERS 



for bread and butter, and a small knife 
of silver for spreading the butter. The 
bread is broken with the fingers, a mouth- 
ful at a time and separately buttered. 
Cake is eaten either in the fingers or with 
a fork. 

Cheese is cut into small pieces. Each 
piece is placed on a mouthful of bread or 
cracker, and then eaten from the fingers. 

Apples, pears, etc., are quartered, peeled, 
cut in mouthfuls, and then eaten from 
the fingers. Smaller fruits with pits are 
eaten from the fingers. Each pit is taken 
from the mouth in the closed hand and de- 
posited on the plate. 

Asparagus is eaten with a fork. That 
part of the stalk not easily cut by the fork 
is left. But burr artichokes are eaten from 
the fingers a leaf at a time, after it has 
been dipped in the sauce. Only the heart 
demands the use of a fork. 

Celery, olives and radishes are eaten 
from the fingers. So, also, are crystallized 
fruits, almonds and other nuts. 

C131] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



When leaving the table at the conclu- 
sion of a meal elsewhere than in one's own 
house, the chair is left without being 
pushed back close to the table. 



C132] 




TEAS 

N THE COUNTRY, where 
the dinner is in the middle 
of the day, the evening meal 
is called either supper or 
tea, and an invitation to tea 
ordinarily means an invitation to the even- 
ing meal. In England, where afternoon 
tea-serving is universal among all classes, 
the evening meal is frequently designated 
high tea. 

The proprieties concerning afternoon tea 
are explained in the chapter entitled, "At 
Homes." 



C133] 



THEATER-PARTIES 




HEN A THEATER-PARTY 
is to be given, it is not cus- 
tomary to use the engraved 
form of invitations, but notes 
written in the first person 



suffice. 



P7 Hamilton Street, 

May 7, igig 
My dear Miss Hammer: 

Will you give me the pleasure of 
dining with me on Wednesday evening 
of next week, at seven o'clock, and oj 
afterward witnessing the new play at 
the Brooke Theater? 

In the hope that you are free that 
evening and kindly disposed toward my 
invitation, I remain, 

Yours sincerely, 

Mary Holmes 
C 134] 



THEATER-PARTIES 



To such an invitation, the guest should 
return an immediate reply, either of accept- 
ance or rejection, written in the first per- 
son, after the manner of the other missive. 

It is within the discretion of the host or 
hostess to secure orchestra seats, or a box. 
Care should be taken, in the case of a box, 
not to have a sufficient number of guests 
to cause crowding. The invitations should 
be sent out about a week before the even- 
ing of the party, but a longer or shorter 
notice is permissible. A bachelor may find 
it more convenient to give his invitations 
in person, orally, and such laxity is allow- 
able on his part. 

The giver of the entertainment may use 
his or her discretion in having attendance 
on the play preceded by an early dinner- 
party, which may include all or only a part 
of his guests; or having it followed by a 
supper-party. Or the theater alone may 
be deemed a sufficient entertainment. 

Very often, a host orders an omnibus to 
collect his guests for a theater-party and 

C135] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



to carry them to the theater, and back 
home after the performance. If this is 
done, the invitation should specify the 
fact, and notify the guest of the exact 
time of the omnibus's arrival. 

When a man invites an unmarried woman 
to be his companion at the theater, he is 
expected also to invite another woman, 
either a relation or friend, according to 
circumstances, who shall act as chaperon. 
But this rule is not too strictly enforced 
where a friendship exists between a man 
and a spinster of mature age. 

It is the duty of the man to call in per- 
son for his guests, and to provide them 
with fitting transportation to and from the 
theater. On their arrival at the theater, if 
the women leave their wTaps in the cloak- 
room, he also should check his hat and 
coat. He allows the ladies to precede him, 
and inside the theater secures programs 
for them, and then gives his checks to the 
usher. The usher now leads the way, with 
the ladies following and the host bringing 
C136] 



THEATER-PARTIES 



up the rear. If he has retained his coat 
and hat, he places his hat under the seat 
and lays the folded coat over the back of 
the chair or holds it across his knees. He 
is careful always to retain the checks dur- 
ing the evening since lack of them might 
prove embarrassing if any error has been 
made in the seating arrangements, as 
sometimes happens. 

A man thus escorting ladies to the thea- 
ter properly remains with them throughout 
the performance. The only justifiable ex- 
cuse for leaving them for a few minutes is 
when he occupies an aisle seat, and then 
only when during an intermission a friend 
comes to pay his respects, who can take 
his place until the rising of the curtain. 

The man wears evening dress for the 
theater. He should by no means appear 
in a tailless coat when acting as an escort 
for ladies, or when a guest in a party that 
includes ladies. He is permitted, however, 
to remove his gloves on arrival at the thea- 
ter. The silk hat is often inconvenient for 

[137] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



theater purposes, and for that reason the 
crush hat has been preferred. But this 
folding form of headgear has lost its vogue 
to a great extent, and there is a growing 
tendency toward the use of a black soft hat 
for such evening wear. 

The more usual form of woman's dress is 
not the decollete of the ball-gown, but a 
less extreme style, with sleeves. It is, of 
course, of such elegance as to suit the 
occasion. But the low-neck and sleeveless 
gown is frequently to be seen, more es- 
pecially in the boxes. 

With the less formal costume, a hat is 
worn. This and the veil may be removed 
in the cloak-room, or, if the wrap is re- 
tained, it may be kept on until the seat is 
reached. The outer garment is then folded 
and laid over the back of the chair. After 
having seated herself, the woman then un- 
pins her veil and removes it, together with 
the hat, and these are afterward held in 
the lap. 

If the arrival at the theater is a little 
C138] 



THEATER-PARTIES 



late, and the wraps are not left in the 
cloak-room, it is the part of good taste to 
remove them before passing down the aisle 
to the seats. Otherwise, their removal be- 
comes an unpleasant interruption to those 
seated near by. 

This same matter of consideration for 
the rights of others is the reason why it is 
necessary that the hats should be removed, 
since it would shut off the view of the stage 
from those seated behind. It should be 
borne in mind always, also, that this con- 
sideration for others should extend to the 
matter of conversation during the perform- 
ance, which must be rigidly suppressed. 
Care ought to be taken in every respect lest 
there be an impolite intrusion on the rights 
of others. 

If there is supper in a restaurant after 
the play, the wraps should be left in the 
cloak-room as a rule, but a woman may 
retain one of a sort that is not cumbersome, 
according to her pleasure. The hat is not 
removed for the meal. The veil may 

[139] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



either be pushed up or taken off according 
to the individual preference. The gloves 
are removed after the party is seated at 
table, and kept in the lap under the napkin 
until the conclusion of the meal. They are 
put on again before leaving the table. 



C 140] 



WEDDINGS 




HE WEDDING-INVITA- 
TIONS are sent out fully 
two weeks before the mar- 
riage, at least, and they 
may be sent earlier, up to 
a limit of two months. 

The invitation is engraved on white 
paper, of which there is a double sheet. 
The invitation itself must occupy only the 
first page. An average size is between 
seven and eight inches in length and about 
an inch less in width. Script is usually 
preferred. The invitation is folded once 
and placed in an unsealed envelope with 
the guest's name written on it. Another 
envelope is used to contain this, on which 
are written both the name and address, 

[ 141 ] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



and it is sealed for delivery by post or 
messenger. 

It should be borne in mind that, while 
husband and wife are joined in a single 
invitation, other members of the family 
must be separately invited, except that 
more than one daughter may be included 

under the designation The Misses , 

and similarly more than one son. The 
Messrs Otherwise, a daugh- 
ter receives an individual invitation, as 
does also a son. 

In cities, on the occasion of church wed- 
dings where strangers often intrude, it is 
common to inclose with the invitation a 
small card inscribed: 

Please present this card at 

the Church of the Incarnation 

on Tuesday, June the first 

A standard form for the wording of the 
invitation is as follows: 



[ 142] 



WEDDINGS 



Mr, and Mrs. Henry L. Hudson 

request the honor of your presence 

at the marriage of their daughter 

Harriet 

to 

Mr, James Meade Trowbridge 

on Tuesday afternoon, June the first 

at half-past three o'clock 

The Church of the Incarnation 

Baltimore 

The invitations are issued in the names 
of the bride's parents, or, lacking them, 
in the name of her nearest relative, unless 
this should be an unmarried sister. When 
the invitations are issued by a brother, 
his name only may be used, even though 
he is married. But where the relation is a 
married woman, the name of the husband 
also appears on the invitations. Such invi- 
tations issued by some one other than the 
parents follow the form given above exactly, 
save that the full name of the bride must 
be given instead of her Christian name 

C 143] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



alone, and, of course, the proper relation- 
ship must be indicated by a word substi- 
tuted for daughter. 

It is usual, when the bride is a step- 
daughter, to specify the relationship in 
the invitation. Thus, in the form given 
above, if Harriet were the daughter of Mrs. 
Hudson by a previous marriage, the phrase 
would run, at the marriage of Mrs, Hudson's 
daughter, Harriet Blake Rothwell. If she 
were the daughter of Mr. Hudson, the 
phrase would be, at the marriage of Mr 
Hudson's daughter, Harriet, 

The invitations to either a wedding- 
breakfast or reception is inclosed with the 
invitation to the ceremony, but the en- 
graved card is of the ordinary size. 

Mr. and Mrs, Henry L. Hudson 
request the pleasure of 



company 

on Tuesday, June first 

at half-past twelve o'clock 

Thirty-six Fremont Avenue 

[ 144 ] 



WEDDINGS 



But often the name is omitted, and the 
invitation may read simply: 

Reception 

From Jour o'clock 

Thirty-six Fremont Avenue 

The initials R.s.v,p, may be used in the 
lower left-hand corner of either form. 

The only essential difference in the form 
of the invitation to a home-wedding is that 
instead of asking for the honor of your 
presence, the request is for the pleasure of 
your company. Of course, the home-address 
must be given at the end, instead of the 
name of the church. When the ceremony 
is to be performed in the presence of only 
a limited number of friends, those who are 
to witness it receive with their invitation 
a small engraved card, inscribed Ceremony 
at three o'clock, or whatever the hour may 
be. 

Announcement-cards, following the cele- 
bration of a quiet wedding, are sent out 
on the day of the marriage. The paper 
used is the same as that for the invitations. 

C 145 ] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



Mr, and Mrs. Henry L. Hudson 

have the honor oj announcing 

the marriage of their daughter 

Harriet 

to 

Mr. James Meade Trowbridge 

on Tuesday, June the first 

at the Church of The Incarnation 

A combination-card of bride and groom, 
with their address, and perhaps her at-home 
day, may be inclosed with the announce- 
ment. 

If, for any reason, the announcement- 
cards are not issued by the bride's relatives, 
they may be sent out by the engaged pair, 
using the bride's maiden name 

Mr. George Hart Bagot 

and 

Miss Mary Elizabeth Peck 

have the honor oj announcing their marriage 

on Monday, June the seventh 

at the Church oj The Incarnation 

Albany 

[146] 



WEDDINGS 



Unless the invitation to a wedding car- 
ries the letters R.s.v.p., it does not require 
any reply, but an invitation to the recep- 
tion or breakfast should be acknowledged 
by two visiting-cards, sent to the bride's 
parents, when attendance is not possible 
or convenient. An acceptance or declina- 
tion is written in the third person, and fol- 
lows the corresponding form in reference 
to a dinner-invitation, with the necessary 
verbal change, substituting, wedding-recep- 
tion oj their daughter ^ for dinner. 

No acknowledgment is required for an- 
nouncement-cards; but it is well to call 
on, or leave cards for, the bride's parents. 

It is impossible to state exactly all the 
details in connection with the marriage- 
ceremony, since the variations in personal 
taste and circumstances are such that the 
wedding may be fittingly celebrated in 
almost regal state, with a dozen brides- 
maids and everything else with like pro- 
fusion, or the rite may be carried out with 
a plainness and simplicity that yet per- 

C147] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



haps yields a significance more touching 
than that of the gorgeous spectacle. Each 
circle in every community has its own 
accepted traditions, and it is always better 
that these should be followed. The vaga- 
ries of fashion may often tempt its vo- 
taries to extravagances in following the 
fads and fancies of the moment. But there 
should be no frivolous tampering with the 
marriage rite, which is proclaimed as a 
sacrament by the church, and should be 
always esteemed as the most sacred act 
in the lives of those who thus make their 
covenants together. 

It need only be added that for an even- 
ing wedding the bridegroom wears the regu- 
lation evening clothes, while for an hour 
earher in the day his costume includes a 
frock-coat of black or dark blue, a black 
or white waistcoat, and striped trousers of 
a hghter shade than the coat. The scarf 
should be a white ascot, caught with a 
pearl pin. 

He wears patent-leather shoes and gray 
C148] 



WEDDINGS 



suede gloves. A silk hat forms the head- 
gear to accompany either the evening 
dress or the other. 

A maiden bride should wear white and 
a veil of tulle with orange blossoms. The 
gown may be decollete and sleeveless for 
an evening wedding. A woman who has 
been married before may wear any color 
pleasing to her, but not white, and she 
must not veil herself, nor display the 
orange blossoms. A train properly dis- 
tinguishes the wedding-gown. 

On receipt of an invitation to a wedding, 
any gift should be sent to the bride without 
delay. There is no obligation on the part 
of a merely formal acquaintance to send 
a gift when invited to a church wedding, 
but it is permissible. Such an obligation 
exists for one invited to the breakfast or 
reception, as well as one to be among a 
limited number present at the actual mar- 
riage on the occasion of a home wedding. 
Sometimes, those invited to a church wed- 
ding compromise by sending flowers. 

C149] 



ETIQUETTE MADE EASY 



The distinction between the maiden and 
the matron is again emphasized in the 
matter of the bouquet carried by the 
bride, which for the maiden should be of 
white flowers, such as lilies of the valley, 
while for the woman it must be at least 
touched with color — perhaps of orchids. 



[150] 




nPHERE is no royal road to learning. 

IT is an old saying, and a true one, in a sense: 
for prince and peasant must alike travel 
the path. 

"VTET, there are many paths, and great differ- 
J- ences among them, as they lead to the 
temple of knowledge. In some, the going is easy : 
in some, hard. In some, the journeying is 
pleasant and profitable: in some, toilsome — a 
weary scramble over many stumbling blocks. 

THE builder of the road is the teacher. It 
is his task to smooth the way, and to 
make it straight: or to leave it all cluttered, 
a twisted, haphazard course, that runs roughly 
and reaches nowhere. 

IN the "Made Easy" Series, it has been the 
publisher's purpose to provide for the 
student the best possible road to learning — a 
road truly royal in its simplicity, its worth: 
a road wide and direct, and free from foolish, 
needless litter. 



^1 



THE various writers of the books in the 
series have been chosen for their special 
fitness. Such fitness includes, in the first 
place, mastery of the particular subject: in 
the second place, ability to interpret knowl- 
edge to others. 

RIGHT teaching makes easy learning. Few 
subjects are really hard to learn, when 
properly set before the pupil. These volumes 
are the product of a painstaking care to simplify 
every detail of instruction, yet to make it com- 
plete. The result for the student is, indeed, 
a learning made easy, yet none the less exact, 
thorough, wholly adequate for his needs. 

The volumes now ready, or in the course of 
preparation — price $1.00 each — are: 

Arithmetic Made Easy Drawing Made Easy 
Spelling Made Easy Dressmaking Made Easy 

Penmanship Made Easy Dancing Made Easy 
Grammar Made Easy Etiquette Made Easy 

Keeping Young Made Easy 

Love Letters Made Easy 

Shorthand Made Easy 

Bookkeeping Made Easy 

Entertaining Made Easy 

Tricks and Magic Made Easy 

Mental Healing Made Easy 

Further titles toiU be added ds opportunity presents itself to secure 
the proper type of manuscript. 



LRBJL78 



I 



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